“Why is our family so poor?” The child’s question is not answered well, and he will suffer a lot in the future.

“Why is our family so poor?” The child’s question is not well answered, and it will be a disadvantage in the future.

In order to prevent the child from developing the habit of extravagance and waste, the parent is in front of the child. Always appear to be very poor, making myself think that my family is relatively poor. Parents think that children will be frugal in this way, but they are wrong, because children always like to compare. When their lives are not as good as those around them, they will always ask their parents “Mom, why is our family so poor?” It seems a very simple question, but the parents’ different answers will bring a different life to the child. 

Before Xiaoqi and her husband got married, the two really had nothing. The marriage could be said to be a naked marriage, but after Xiaoqi and her husband worked hard, they were not afraid of hardship or tiredness, and finally had their own business and the financial situation of the family. It’s also much better. Later, after Xiaoqi and her husband gave birth, although living conditions improved, Xiaoqi still feels that life is hard to come by. Xiaoqi also does not want her children to develop a habit of extravagance and waste, so Xiaoqi always treats her children in life. Comparative frugality. 

Although she has money to buy new clothes for her children, Xiaoqi seldom buys clothes for her children. She always wears clothes from relatives and friends for her children. She usually gives her children less pocket money than her children of the same age. a lot of. Every time a child wants to buy a toy, Xiaoqi always tells the child some great things, in short, some things like our family has no money. 

Finally, my son couldn’t help but ask Xiaoqi, “Why is our mother so poor? Every time I want something, you can’t buy it for me, and my classmates can buy a lot of delicious food. Something, and I don’t have one. 

At that time, Xiaoqi felt a little bit emotional. When the son asked Xiaoqi like this, he suddenly remembered that when he was a child, he also asked his parents the same question. It is precisely because of the answers from her parents that Xiaoqi became what she is now. Xiaoqi is right now. I take it very seriously, for fear that I don’t have money, and now I know my living conditions are better, but I still don’t want to spend money. Therefore, Xiaoqi thought carefully for a long time before responding to her child. Fortunately, Xiaoqi did not treat her son like her parents did at the beginning. Xiaoqi said to her son, “We don’t buy things that don’t mean being poor. Even being poor is nothing terrible. We can To change all of this through our own efforts, we must rely on our own efforts to obtain what we want.” 

Although the son seems to understand but the son understands that what he wants depends on his own efforts to obtain, the amount of money is not a sign of a person’s poverty and wealth. In fact, it’s not just Xiaoqi who encounters such problems. Many parents will be asked by their children “why does our family have no money? Why can they buy anything? Why can’t I buy it?” and other similar questions, in fact, parents’ The answer has a great impact on the child. When faced with children asking similar questions, parents must be cautious. 

Face the child How should parents respond when they say their family is poor? 

Let children know that money is not the most important thing

When children ask their parents why we are poor, parents should let children know that there are many types of poverty, one is money and the other is spiritual . If it refers to money, parents should let their children know that money is not the most important thing, there are things that are more important than money, and money is directly proportional to a person’s value. Money will naturally come when they are valuable and capable. Parents must To establish the correct three views for children. 

Poor is not terrible and can be changed by hard work

When children ask their parents why our family is poor, parents should let the children know that poverty is beyond fear. We can change through our own efforts. If a person is poor, we still don’t know If you work hard, such a person is terrible. Parents have to let their children realize that money and wealth need to rely on their own efforts to fight for. In fact, sometimes many families are not really poor. Some parents are afraid of their children being wasted. They are afraid that their children will not have the goal of working hard when they grow up in the nest. Therefore, parents deliberately cry poor when facing their children. 

Parents face Children’s prone behaviors

Crying too much to be poor

Some parents deliberately cry poor in front of their children, saying how poor their family is and cannot afford anything. Perhaps the parents are also out of good intentions. I want my children to know about frugality, and I want them to work hard, but if the parents go too far, it will be too much for the children. 

I’m sorry for my children by spending money.

Some parents know that their homes are in good condition and are willing to spend money, but the parents of their children pretend to be very frugal. What Reluctant to buy for the child, let the child use other people’s leftover everything, causing the child to believe that his family is extremely poor, making the child unable to hold his head in front of others, and having a particularly low self-esteem among peers. Therefore, parents want their children to know how to save, and there are many ways to know how to work hard. Parents should not always frighten their children by pretending to be poor. This is really possible for parents to do the opposite, and ultimately harm the child’s life. Both sisters and brothers brought them to grandma. After half a year, there was a big difference. It was not partiality, but it was the fault of it.

Long gave birth to nine sons, each of which was different. Although they are a female compatriot, they can still develop extremely differently due to innate and acquired factors. The legendary dragon is like this, but people in reality are actually similar. Several brothers and sisters of the same mother will have a big gap when they grow up, even twins are no exception. 

There are twins in my hometown. The older one is the older sister and the younger one is the younger brother. The parents of the two children are both working in big cities. They originally planned to go to elementary school there. However, the hukou problem was still unsolvable, and eventually the children had to be sent off. When I go to my grandmother’s house in the countryside, I will go to school in the primary school of my hometown for the time being, and I will transfer to the city after I get the registered permanent residence. It was originally expected that the children would be transferred to the city after they were in the second grade of elementary school, but only half a year later, after the parents of the siblings went home to visit relatives, they suddenly decided to transfer their children immediately after the new year, even if they went to private schools. , Just can’t let them stay in the countryside anymore. This is how it happened? It turned out that the two brothers and sisters have undergone great changes in the past six months, and this change has caused worries to the children’s parents. 

After coming to the countryside, grandma couldn’t help herself, and even took out the old-age pension money at the bottom of the box to buy delicious and fun things for her grandchildren. But after all, grandma is old, and she is a generational parent, and she is not very concerned about the discipline of children. However, grandson is also a master of trouble. After only half a year of elementary school, she has become a thorn in the eyes of the teacher, and grandma is not allowed. In a few days, I ran to school to “remediate the aftermath” of the grandson’s misfortune. 

On the other hand, her granddaughter is weak and inferior, and her grandmother does not know how to dress up, which makes her image much worse than that of other girls in the class, which further contributes to her cowardly and inferior character. So only half a year later, the two siblings have developed into two extremes at the same time. One is extremely arrogant and conceited, and the other is extremely inferior. No matter what kind of personality, it is obviously very detrimental to the growth of the child, so the parents of the two siblings decided Immediately transfer the child to the city to personally discipline. 

Sister and brother Such a big gap has nothing to do with grandma’s eccentricity.

Some people may think that most of the rural grandmothers will favor sons over daughters, so the older sister has become cowardly, but the younger brother has become rampant. It must be inseparable from the eccentricity of grandma. In fact, this is not the case. Although the grandmother of the twins lives in the countryside, she is a bit literate. She also worked in the city when she was young, and only returned to the countryside after retirement. She was not very open-minded, at least not. As to the point of patriarchy. And the grandmother is just such a pair of grandchildren, and it’s too late to love, so why would she deliberately ignore one of them. 

What really caused the big difference between the siblings after half a year was not the grandmother’s partiality, but the lack of parent-child discipline. Grandma has been unable to take care of two first-year children alone. Coupled with the old age and intergenerational relationship, it is difficult to discipline the children like ordinary parents. Boys are naturally unrestrained. Once they leave the discipline, they will lose themselves and lose control like a wild horse. Girls are sensitive by nature and lose their sense of security when they leave the discipline, which makes them more prone to inferiority complex. Therefore, partiality is just taken for granted, and the lack of parent-child discipline is the culprit. 

In today’s China, inter-generational rearing is a very common phenomenon. As for the problems in the above cases, it will also be reflected in many children who are reared across generations. Therefore, the change in the fetus of the dragon and phoenix is ​​worthy of the attention of most parents. 

There are many problems with intergenerational parenting, and parenting is a parent’s unshirkable responsibility

No matter what the reason is for inter-generational parenting, parents should always maintain this understanding that parenting is the responsibility of parents, not others Yes, including grandparents. If you don’t have this kind of knowledge, you will be pushed to the elderly after giving birth, then you are not a qualified parent, and the child is only biologically related to you, and the most important parent-child bond will be beaten. It’s never even established. 

The reason why parents should always maintain this cognition is because there are many problems with inter-generational raising. For example, grandparents are old and cannot take good care of their children, causing harm to the children’s psychological and physical development; or grandparents are outdated and instilled many outdated or even wrong knowledge theories into their children, which will also be detrimental to the children’s learning and growth. . As the so-called “one generation is in charge of one generation,” grandparents have completed their mission by raising their parents. As for the task of nurturing the next generation, it should fall to the parents, not the grandparents. 

Parents should be the closest people to their children. Parental discipline is also indispensable in the growth of children. Otherwise, not only is it not conducive to fostering parent-child relationships, it will also cause great harm to the child’s psychological development and character development. Such children will be deeply hurt by their original family even as adults, and even pass on the negative effects caused by such injuries to the next generation.

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