Why can’t the newlyweds “sleep in the same bed” when they return to their parents’ home? There are three concerns behind the original.
Writer: Xiao Xiao
Finalized: Su Zihou
The tradition of our country There are many customs, and only in terms of marriage, different regions have different requirements.
Some wedding customs, such as toasting tea, are understandable, but there are some customs that hurt children’s hearts.
She couldn’t sleep with her husband when she returned to her natal home. Her daughter suddenly felt that she was an outsider.
Because Xiao Luan married far away, she didn’t have time to go home to see her parents and her parents after a year of marriage. Brother, I finally took advantage of the Spring Festival to go home, but in the evening he almost got into a fight because of the saying that “daughter can’t sleep with her husband in her natal family”.
During the evening rest, Xiao Luan was about to go back to the room with her husband, but her mother suddenly called them to let Xiao Luan sleep with herself and the son-in-law to sleep with his father-in-law.
Xiao Luan is puzzled, why is it so troublesome. My mother said that this is a custom in my hometown, and every family must abide by it, so as not to spoil the luck of the room and family.
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“It’s obviously a bad habit, who still believes this now.” Xiao Luan took her husband back to the room.
Mom stopped again and said: “Why are you so ignorant, don’t you know how to think about your brother?”
When he heard this, Xiao Luan suddenly became angry. After being persuaded by Xiao Luan, he slowly calmed down, and finally had to compromise. Because he was unhappy at her family’s house, Xiao Luan left after staying for one day.
The custom of “daughters cannot sleep in the same room with their husbands after they return to their natal families” should be found in many areas, and some young women have encountered them when they return to their natal families after marriage.
Although many elders say that their daughter’s living with her husband will affect the family’s luck, but what are the specific aspects?
▼ Same room will bring bad luck
In ancient times, people thought it was a bad thing for couples to have sex with each other, and they believed that “the daughter who married out was the water poured out”, so the daughter is an outsider to her parents, and the outsider is in the host’s room. Intercourse will bring bad luck.
▼ Pregnancy at the natal family will share the luck there
There is also a custom that the luck of a family is limited. If the daughter is pregnant while having the same room at the natal family, the child may be The luck of the family is divided, and the luck of the child born to his son may be less. Therefore, the daughter and son-in-law are forbidden to live together in the natal family.
▼ Challenge the authority of the father
Another saying is that in a patriarchal society, the father is the authority of the family. They are more serious about their daughters and other men. I was disgusted and didn’t want to see them living together. I thought it was a shameful thing, so there was this rule.
Actually, about “Why marry Although there are many reasons why the daughter and son-in-law who went out cannot live together in their natal family, they seem to be superstitious, but they all serve as cover for another important reason.
I don’t want the couple to live together. In fact, it is to remind them that they are guests and not to mess around at the host’s house, or to reduce the number of times they go back to their parents’ house. Since they are outsiders, the number of times they go home is also Little, then the family property has nothing to do with the daughter and son-in-law.
Although this bad custom still exists, if you look closely, if there is only one daughter in the family, parents may not care about the daughter and son-in-law living together, but if there is a son in the family , Parents may interfere and block.
This is actually a manifestation of the idea of patriarchalism. If the married daughter is her own child, she won’t care about these things.
Except for “daughter cannot return to her mother In addition to the custom of “living with her husband,” there are also some traditions that hurt them. For example, even if a daughter is divorced, she still cannot return to her natal family.
These customs seem to be very common, but they are very harmful to their daughters. Parents who really care about their children should remember to protect them.
★ Safeguard children’s interests
Even if parents don’t care about certain traditions, it is inevitable that the friends and family relatives they make will care, and some people like to express their opinions. Like to be silent in front of children.
However, after parents discover such a phenomenon, they should stop it as soon as possible, and then comfort their children to reduce harm.
★ Help children understand customs< /p>
Whether it is good or bad customs, you can tell your children about them, and use good customs and traditions to establish correct values for them. For some bad customs, although I don’t care about it, there are always people together. It is still necessary to understand others to avoid the relationship becoming stale. 80% of children’s sleep duration is not up to standard, and parents are One of the main reasons is that parents’ sleep habits affect babies
80% of children’s sleep duration is not up to standard. Parents are one of the main reasons. Parents’ sleep habits affect babies.
Nowadays, in addition to adults, even Children’s sleep is also difficult to reach the standard:
A survey by the Institute of Psychology of the Chinese Academy of Sciences shows that 81.2% of middle and high school students between the ages of 13 and 17 now sleep less than 8 hours a day, and 32.2% Children aged 6 to 12 can sleep less than 8 hours.
But for the 8-hour system, It is not suitable for all children. The standard time for children from 6 to 12 is longer, and the actual proportion of children whose sleep is not up to standard may be more:
13~17-year-old middle and high school students need to sleep 8 per day ~10 hours; elementary school students between the ages of 6 and 12 need to sleep for 9 to 12 hours a day.
In addition, because they go to school, they wake up early. Therefore, if the children cannot go to bed at 9 or 10 every day, it is likely that the sleep duration will not meet the standard.
The reality is that many families may still eat supper with their children and do homework at 9 or 10 o’clock.
And every time parents mention that their children’s sleep is not up to standard, they will complain that today’s children are so stressed in learning that it’s difficult to achieve the standard. Whose child is not still doing homework in the middle of the night.
But in fact, the “pot” for children’s sleep failures requires parents to recite themselves, and they can’t be blamed elsewhere.
Studies have shown that children’s sleep status is poor, largely due to parental influence
The White Paper on Sleep for Chinese Teenagers and Children in 2019 shows that 68% of children with poor sleep , Their parents will like to play mobile phones in front of their children.
Only 36% of parents of children who sleep better have such behavior.
It can be seen that parents have the greatest influence on children.
In addition, there are also factors that cause poor sleep in children: homework and extracurricular pressure are relatively high, electronic products are too attractive, and children do not have a good sleeping environment.
From this point of view, if you want your child’s sleep to reach the standard, parents have the right direction to operate——
▶Be a good example
Parents can be on time every day Turn off the lights at home and enter the bedroom ahead of time. Even if you are not sleeping, you must create a sleeping environment for your child.
If parents are active all the time, their children are unwilling to take a break in advance.
▶Reduce children’s use of electronic products
Children use electronic products all the time, and their brains are easily excited and difficult to fall asleep. Even if they fall asleep, their sleep quality is not good.
Therefore, parents can limit the time their children use electronic products every day, especially one or two hours before going to bed. They can read together to keep the brain stable and easy to fall asleep.
▶Create a good sleeping environment
When the child is sleeping, the bedroom must not have extra light, noisy sounds, and the bedding should be comfortable enough, which will also help promote sleep.
▶Improve the efficiency of children’s homework
Sometimes children can’t finish their homework, which may be inefficient and procrastinate when doing homework.
Moreover, the Education Bureau now has new requirements for children’s homework, and they may be easier in the future.
In addition to not being a good example of the impact of parents on children’s sleep, they also like to increase their extracurricular burden.
Many children may have to complete the tasks assigned by their parents after completing their homework. This leads to:
Children do not want to write extracurricular tasks and deliberately delay time; children advance I finished my homework, but due to extracurricular tasks, I couldn’t sleep until late, which resulted in insufficient time.
Although, Parents’ intention is to make children smarter through extracurricular homework, but in fact, lack of sleep can weaken the performance advantage of extracurricular tasks.
Studies have shown that when children are sleep deprived, their memory and comprehension will decrease, and their average test scores are not as good as those of children who have enough sleep.
Furthermore, the impact of lack of sleep on the human body is not only in terms of performance, but children may also have problems such as growth, weakened immunity, and weak spleen and stomach.
Children’s problems are basically parents’ problems. Parents can find out more from themselves.
Just like what the educator Suhomlinski said: “Every moment, when you see your child, you also see yourself.”
Whether it is the time to sleep, the degree of love for learning, the degree of obsession with electronic products, or psychological problems.
If parents can do well, children will not be too bad.
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