Why are you yelling at the child? Is it ancestral, or is it angered at the child?
When I was a child, I grew up in a yelling environment. This kind of yelling is irrelevant. Sometimes I am studying quietly, and my parents get angry or suffer outside. What frustration is, usually when you enter the house, you will swear. If we are working hard outside, you will know that you will stay at home. Sometimes they are doing things for the family, and they will be scolded bloody because they don’t meet the parents’ requirements.
When I was very young, I vowed that I would have a child in the future and I would never treat him like this. Unfortunately, now that my son sometimes makes mistakes, I still yell at him out of control. Every time things pass, I regret it again. I am desperate for being unable to control my impulse and anger, and worrying about repeating the same mistakes.
After every yelling, I think I am really not a qualified parent, and other parents will definitely not treat their children like this. “No yelling, no yelling: How to calmly let children cooperate with their parents” gave me a lot of examples, let me know that I am not alone so easy to lose control, I am not alone in the fight.
01 Yelling is passed down from generation to generation Of
Are you a parent who loves to yell at children? If so, have you found that you were treated like this by your parents, and your parents were also raised up in this way by grandparents. If so, then you are right. Howling may be passed on from generation to generation and become part of the family culture.
Every young child understands the world through observation. Parents are the ones they have the most contact with when they were young and teach them the most things. Whether your words and deeds are good or bad, the children will Parents are role models. The way and values of being in the world are gradually input to the child through the words and deeds of the parents. When the child grows up and becomes a parent, he already has a fixed pattern in his mind to correspond to the naughty child, that is, as old as his parents. Yelling. Maybe you want to control, but when something happens, you will naturally follow the routine your parents used to operate.
We can change the handling of howling heredity. The book gives an example of a father named James, who loses his temper every time his child messes up the table. When he was young, crying would cause his parents to yell more. Unfortunately, he is now re-acting his parents’ play. The author’s suggestion is to find a quiet place to sit for a while when you want to break out and yell, think about it as much as possible, and give yourself some time and space. In the process of reflecting on your childhood, the reasons that caused you to lose your temper will gradually unfold.
James finds that every time he gets angry, his heart The true feeling of is sad because of not having a free and happy childhood. Taking the sadness of childhood out to dry, instead, he can devote himself to the role of his father more wholeheartedly, hiding the sadness deep in his heart, so that he muster up the courage to be with his daughter and relive the freedom game that he could not experience in childhood. Happiness. They played happily together and laughed unscrupulously. At this time he realized that finding the source of the pain would reduce its power.
My husband is doing better than me on this point. We both grew up in a roaring environment. I am repeating the same mistakes, and he is telling himself with the childhood he least wants to experience, I can’t Let my son pass in fear and fear. Every time he showed signs of anger, he went into the bedroom alone first, thinking about his childhood trembling in the corner because of his father’s roar, and he would gradually calm down. Then he calmly reasoned with his son, and re-invested in the game with his son.
02 Anger: I am Who is angry at?
When we feel angry in our interactions with others, children are often easy targets for venting. When you point your anger at another person instead of the person who made you angry in the first place, this is anger. People often choose a safer object, such as a child, to vent their anger.
Why do parents transfer their anger to their children? It’s very simple. Children can’t make money and have no ability to survive independently. They are completely dependent on their parents. Who doesn’t pick soft persimmons? I have made this kind of mistake. When my son was less than six months old, he couldn’t sleep well at that time, so he expected the father of the child to take care of the baby on weekends and let me rest. However, one weekend, when I was busy carrying the baby in and out, my husband was looking at the mobile phone and drinking milk tea. At that time, my heart really wanted to pour that cup of milk tea directly on his head. .
I was so angry that there are two points. One is that I am so tired, but you look at the phone. The other is that I also like to drink milk tea, but because of breastfeeding, I have never drank it since I was pregnant. In my eyes, he is enjoying and I am suffering. The child still has the same surname as him.
And the son cried at the right time , I started yelling at my son. In fact, my intention was to get my husband to get up and do things for me. My husband immediately got up and did things. Obviously, my goal was achieved. But when I calm down, I feel that I am so despicable. Shouldn’t the adult’s affairs be solved by myself? Why let a kid who can’t speak and walk as a shield.
At this time, shouldn’t the easiest way be to ask your husband to throw away the broken phone and get up to do something? Why is it that such a simple thing is conveyed through the cry of innocent children and the roar of me. Whoever irritates you, you find the right one, and let unarmed children who cannot be independent as scapegoats, so that they are too innocent.
03 Your yelling will bring your child What hurts?
How much influence your yelling has on your children? Teacher Hong Lan taught a lesson that the more you yell, the more stupid your children are. This is not to scare parents. When your Hedong lion roars, the child will be afraid, and when it is afraid, positive adrenaline will be produced. The blood will reach the limbs, ready to escape, and the brain will start to blank. So the more fierce the parents, the more nervous and scared the child, the less he knows what the parents want him to do, and they will just stare at you dumbfounded. This phenomenon is easy to understand, just like you under the podium, obviously every question will be answered. But as soon as I answered on the blackboard, I was nervous and my head went blank, and I couldn’t do anything.
There is a child in my neighbor’s house. For this reason, the parents became even more angry, and the yelling at the beginning became sticky. His brothers and sisters began to call him “Urine Tank”, and slowly the name began to spread, and the children around us began to call him that. Now he is more than 30 years old and is still called by everyone. .
So why do scared children pee their pants? ? After the release of norepinephrine, there is still a big effect, which is to relax the sphincter of the bladder. Because the blood reaches the limbs and is ready to escape, and the urine is heavy, it will be lighter to let go, and it will run faster, so the phenomenon of urinary incontinence is scared by the yelling child.
What happens to children who have grown up in a roaring environment for a long time? There is a detailed introduction in the book “Deep Well Effect”. Long-term yelling is a form of abuse, but unfortunately, if such abuse occurs in children who are still growing and developing, it will affect the structure and function of the brain, the immune system, the endocrine system, and even change the reading of DNA. Transcription method.
04 Find out the cause of anger and find a solution The Way
Everyone wants to be the best parent. It’s natural to be angry and yelling, but we can’t let it develop, let alone treat me like my parents Just let it go. Find the root cause and give yourself time, courage and confidence. No matter whether your childhood is happy or free, you can let your children live the life you want.
Every time there are signs of yelling, find a place to calm down and think about whether your anger this time is a subconscious reaction, because you have been treated like this, and there is a fixed pattern in your head Is this the way to deal with it?
If it is true that some of your child’s problems are causing you to be dissatisfied, don’t yell, learn to set rules, call family meetings, discuss together, set rules, and let each member Know the consequences of non-compliance. If a similar phenomenon occurs again at that time, just follow the rules, and there is no need to yell to solve the problem.
If your yelling is angering children, At this time, bring out the object of your real anger, and communicate with others about who is the matter, and don’t let your child be angry. Don’t use children as an inflator, it is extremely unfair to young children. Nothing is more efficient than talking directly to the problem, putting it down and pouring out directly.
In the final analysis, whoever makes a mistake is looking for someone. Of course, you can’t ask your parents to settle your childhood experience, but you can’t even count on your child. Rather than your childhood is already unfortunate, why not regain a happy childhood with your children, do what you want to experience foolishly with your children, and forget everything you want to forget.
Know that even in the face of yelling or anger, your children will still love you. He needs to ask you for support and help, know how to respect children and don’t hurt them. The husband’s surname is “Bai”, and his son chose this name for his third-born daughter without expectation. The wife resolutely opposes.
Many surnames in our country have become more prosperous and prosperous after such a long history of development. In particular, the Li and Wang surnames in our country are even more populous.
However, in addition to these common surnames, there are also some less common and special surnames. These surnames have encountered setbacks in naming.
Xiao Li is pregnant with a third child. The first two children are both daughters. Coupled with the fact that the husband has a very heavy concept of inheriting the family, he hopes that the third child will be a son.
Unexpectedly, the child was born and found that he was still a daughter. The disappointment of Xiao Li’s husband was written on his face, and he named his third daughter on the spot. After hearing the name given to his daughter by his husband, Xiao Li was firmly opposed.
After a detailed understanding, I understood why Xiao Li objected. It turned out that Xiao Li’s husband was named “Bai” and named his third daughter “Bai Huanxi”, indicating that he was not a son.
After listening to the child’s name, I can understand why the wife would oppose it. Fortunately, the husband also thought about it carefully. I really felt that the name was too sloppy and shouldn’t be taken. first name.
I have to say, the word joy itself It sounds very nice, but when you encounter the word “white”, you will have a sense of frustration and ambiguity.
Special surnames lead to ambiguity in first names
Having a special surname is really both joyful and sad. For example, if a child’s name is not well-formed, it is easy to affect the child.
For example, the husband’s surname is Bai above, and he named his daughter “Bai Huanxi”. According to reason, the word “Bai” doesn’t mean anything bad, on the contrary, it is very unique and charming.
But if you put the front face behind the white , Affirmative vocabulary, then the meaning of the name can be very different, “Bai Huanxi” is a typical example.
One of the effects on children is that children are easily laughed at by other friends and often use their own names to tease. For young children, it is easy to be emotionally affected and produce low self-esteem psychological.
So in order to avoid these problems, parents still have to be more comprehensive when naming their babies, and pay more attention to the pronunciation and meaning of the surname and the first name.
If you don’t pay much attention to this aspect, it’s very There may be a lot of “ambiguity”, actor Sha Yi is the most experienced person.
Sha Yi revealed his “original name”. Fortunately, his father stopped in time when he named him, otherwise he would not be able to say it.
Sha Yi mentioned in a program recording that his mother was thinking about the name when she was pregnant with him. After all, this surname is not common, and there are not many names for reference.
Later, Sha Yi’s mother suddenly thought of a sentence “Benevolence, filial piety, benevolence, and benevolence.” The word “benevolence” was placed at the top of Miang, so she planned to name her son “Sha benevolence”.
Sha Yi’s mother informed Sha of this idea Yi’s father, Sha Yi’s father discovered after reading several times that the name was ambiguous and might cause misunderstandings.
I also ridiculed Sha Yi’s mother for getting the name: “Fun” is added after Sha Ren, which is even more “interesting”!
Sha Yi’s mother didn’t react at first, but after reading it a few times, she understood, she gave up the idea of naming her son “Sha Ren”, and finally named her son “Sha Yi”. “.
Whenever talking about this experience, Sha Yidu expressed his happiness, otherwise he would not be able to speak his name with the previous name, and he would not even be able to fight for his career.
So from Sha Yi’s experience of naming, we can see that there are indeed difficulties in naming special surnames, so what is more appropriate?
What is better for special surnames?
◆ “Family” and “First name” should be coherent and smooth, avoid homophony
When naming children with special surnames, pay special attention to the problem of homophony, whether the reading is coherent, smooth, and ambiguous And other issues.
When a homophony appears in the name, if it is Good meaning is okay, if it is not good, it will also bring ambiguity to the child’s name, which is difficult to look at directly.
Sometimes it may be hard to think of a nice name, but it is very strange to put it together with the last name, so read it twice when naming a baby.
◆ Do not go around the mouth
Names will accompany us throughout our lives, so when naming a baby, we must also consider the issues of legibility and smoothness.
If it’s just for “specialization”, And giving children names that are ambiguous and confusing will still have a great impact on the children. Therefore, it is necessary to pay attention to these aspects when naming the children. Four taboos for pregnant women, especially in the third trimester, you must be careful, each of them is easy to hurt the fetus
Pregnant women are always relaxed in the early stages of pregnancy, and they will not be affected by eating and sleeping. But at the end of pregnancy, pregnant women are extremely uncomfortable. In addition to physical discomfort, pregnant women themselves should also be vigilant, especially these four things, as long as they touch one of them, the fetus will be very vulnerable.
Little Jia from Sichuan found out that her belly was the closest It’s not the same as usual. Recently, the child reacted very violently in the stomach. She often had labor pains, but she did not have any bleeding symptoms. Xiao Jia was pregnant for 8 months and was about to give birth in two months, thinking that the child was about to be born, it should be a month old, because the baby is too big, Xiao Jia is not too concerned.
I was catching up with Xiao Jia’s mother to visit Xiao Jia. After discovering her daughter’s abnormality, her mother was very nervous and hurried to the hospital. Fortunately, the doctor said that the effect was not significant, but he must not touch his stomach anymore.
Xiao Jia is very strange. She often sees pregnant women touching their belly and talking to their babies in TV dramas. Why does the act of touching their belly make mother and doctor so nervous?
The doctor saw Xiaojia’s confusion and was patient Answers questions for Xiaojia. In daily life, these four things are absolutely not allowed for pregnant women with big belly, especially for pregnant women who are older than one month.
4 taboos for pregnant women at the end of pregnancy
1. Stroking the belly
Many men like to touch their belly after eating. Over time, it will easily lead to the general belly. In fact, pregnant women who are in the third trimester of pregnancy often touch their belly and rub their belly with their hands, which will cause bad results. If pregnant women touch and stroke their belly with their hands too frequently, it is easy to cause the pain of false contractions, and the fetus in the abdomen does not cause the pregnant woman to produce more severe pain.
But because of this reason, it is not known to the general public, and many pregnant women will watch the pregnant women touching their belly on the TV through the TV, and will follow along. And because the time of the pain caused by touching the belly and the time of touching the belly are separated for a period of time, pregnant women often don’t know it, and don’t know that it is because of this reason that their pain is caused.
2. Sleep on your back
Pregnant women who are in the third trimester of pregnancy can no longer sleep on their back. This is because when lying down, the fetus in the belly is directly pressing on the mother. Not only does the mother feel that the baby in the belly is pressed oppression. Therefore, pregnant women can sleep on their side or to the left when they are late.
But in any case, it is not recommended that pregnant women lie down and sleep, and let the baby support the baby on their own. This is a burden for the baby in the belly and the mother.
Especially after the fetus has symptoms of discomfort, it is very likely that the fetus will move. At this time, the mother cannot sleep properly, which affects the sleep quality of the pregnant woman. Well, the whole body of pregnant women is even more uncomfortable.
3. Go up and down the stairs too frequently
Pregnant women who are pregnant and confinement should stop going up and down the stairs frequently. There will be violent bumps when going up and down the stairs, and the belly will also move up and down. This is not an easy task for pregnant women with too big belly. Not only will the belly slosh into the belly, the baby will also be bumped. Especially for some pregnant women with larger fetuses, they can’t go up and down the stairs too much. When I am also buying a room type, I would like to use it as a delivery room and a childcare room in the future. It is recommended to choose rooms with elevators.
4. Eat cold foods that can easily cause diarrhea
Pregnant women should not eat cold foods that can easily cause diarrhea during the third trimester. The cold food is not friendly to the pregnant woman’s physique at this time, and it is easy to cause severe gastrointestinal discomfort in the pregnant woman. Once pregnant women have symptoms of diarrhea in their stomachs, digestion and absorption will be more difficult, but at this time the fetus needs nutrition the most and has the strongest ability to absorb nutrients. Therefore, during the third trimester, pregnant women should adjust their diet, try to eat some food that can warm the body, and stop eating the cold ones.
What should pregnant women do more in the third trimester
1 .Adjust your mood
Pregnant women’s fear of giving birth will increase in the third trimester. Therefore, at this time of pregnancy, the mood of pregnant women is actually the most anxious. At this stage, pregnant women should adjust their mood, so as not to worry about affecting the pregnant woman’s own body, which will make the birth process not so smooth.
2. Preparing for the birth of the baby
When the pregnancy is in the late stage, the mother can also prepare for the birth of the baby, and prepare the baby in advance for the things to be used after birth. The clothes to wear. In this way, when the baby is born, the mother will not rush around shopping.
Mothers in the third trimester must remember These four things must not be done. This will not only affect the health of the fetus, but also affect the body of the fetus, with all harms but no benefit.