Why are so many grandparents reluctant to bring their babies? It’s not that you don’t love your children, but that you are bothered and unpleasant.
In many families, affected by practical reasons, the main force of bringing babies is the elderly, and the Most of the children’s elderly are the children’s grandmothers.
Let’s ask the reason. It’s nothing more than the child’s grandmother loves her daughter, or in order to avoid “contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law” in the family. Party relationship.
However, grandma’s taking of a baby is not what it should be. Therefore, when faced with children’s requests, some elderly people will directly refuse. For example, Xiaoliu’s family encountered such a situation.
The daughter wanted her mother to help take care of the baby, but the 52-year-old aunt shook her head
Koyanagi is the only child. Before marriage, she was also loved by her parents like a pearl in the palm of her hand.
After getting married and giving birth, Koyanagi was anxious to return to work, so when she was still in confinement, she contacted her mother and wanted to ask her to come over Help bring the baby, and go to work with peace of mind.
Unexpectedly, my mother said: Taking advantage of her only 52 years old, at the age of just retiring, she can still find a suitable job, so she is tactful He refused Koyanagi. Koyanagi is very puzzled about this. There has always been a responsive mother. Why don’t you help when you need it most?
Later, after communicating with his aunt, Xiaoliu realized that his mother actually had difficulties. After all, bringing a baby is a chore, and it is normal for the elderly to be unwilling to take over. But Xiaoliu is like a child, only knowing to ask for help from his parents, but he doesn’t understand their parents’ difficulties.
Why are so many grandparents reluctant to bring babies to their daughters?
Nowadays, many grandmothers have begun to withdraw from the ranks of bringing babies, but this is not because they don’t love their children, but because it’s really laborious and thankless to bring babies.
▲I have my own plans for old age, I don’t like to go around my children
I know an old man Never urge children to marry, let alone give birth. Her reason is simple. Children have their own lives and they have their own lives, and they don’t want to restrain each other.
She believes that if she is really urging her children to marry and have a baby, once the children are unhappy, or when they need to help themselves but cannot help, it is equivalent to adding a burden to the children.
▲It’s easy to complain when you pay and contribute.
Old people with babies often pay and contribute , If the child is not well brought and has common situations such as willfulness, playfulness, crying, etc., he will be labelled as “all grandmother used to”.
From this point of view, the old man is really struggling and not pleased.
▲The friction of parenting concepts consumes mother-daughter affection
In order to avoid conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, many families suggest that grandma take care of the baby. But in fact, there will be more or less differences in the parenting concepts of the two generations.
As some elderly people said: No matter what you do, the starting point is definitely for the children’s good, but the more the daughter, the more irresponsible it is to speak, which often makes the elderly sad , Especially the consumption of mother-daughter affection. So after listening to the answer given by the old man, the daughters really need to reflect on it.
▲The work, rest and habits are different, it is difficult to find common ground while reserving differences
The work, rest and living habits of the elderly and their children There will also be differences. Old people are used to going to bed early and getting up early, while young people are just the opposite.
With regard to the issue of bringing a baby, children will also follow the life habits of the main parent to form their own rules. The different work and rest of the elderly and children are actually not a good thing for the growth and development of children.
In the matter of bringing a baby, young parents and the elderly must “comparate their hearts”
Bringing a baby is not an old man in the first place If young parents are capable, it’s best to bring their own baby. If you need help from the elderly, you must also ask for their opinions. If you don’t agree, don’t force it.
However, even if the elderly agree to help bring the baby, young parents cannot be the shopkeeper. It is also necessary to reflect on the above questions to see if such a situation exists in oneself.
Comparing our hearts to our hearts often does not refer to our attitude towards outsiders. In many cases, the closer the person is, the more we feel it should be. But in fact, family love also needs to be maintained.
Written at the end:
Now the popular “check-in-to-work” style of bringing a baby is very popular. When young parents go to work, the elderly take care of their babies; when their children go off work or take a break, their children take their babies, and the elderly rest. In this way, both sides have a reference, and it is also worth learning. When I went to visit the newly recruited mothers, these few words are not suitable to be said, even if they are joking.
For the newly recruited mothers, although they ” “Unloading” is successful, but both mentally and physically, they are in a weak state and need special care.
So when you visit the newly recruited mothers, you need to pay special attention to your mother’s emotional problems. Even if you want to make jokes in a good relationship, you can’t talk nonsense. .
After all, the wrong way of speaking will arouse the other person’s disgust, destroy the relationship between each other, and if it is serious, it will make Baoma fall into an emotional whirlpool and cannot leave it in a short time. .
The words of the relatives made the new Jin Bao’s mother feel unhappy.
Pregnant in October, Sisi finally gave birth to her baby girl. When she saw the baby, she felt that she was like this. All the hard work was not in vain.
It’s probably because mothers always have “filters” when looking at their babies. In Sisi’s eyes, her daughter is both good and cute, as if she can’t see enough, but relatives However, the sentence made her very unhappy.
It turned out that after the baby was born, many relatives in the family came to visit Sisi and the child. Although they knew that everyone was kind, Sisi gave birth to the baby. You are in confinement, you have to take care of your children, and you have to deal with these relatives. How can you have so much energy?
So she tried her best to avoid these relatives. Those who couldn’t hide her were polite. It was like in the afternoon when Sisi, who had just put her child to sleep, felt relieved, but met the second aunt who came to visit again.
Looking at the second aunt also took time to come here, in order to express her kind feedback, Sisi briefly communicated with him a few words, but only a few words So he plunged into Sisi’s heart.
After the second aunt looked at the child, she said with an expression of “I am doing good for you” and said to Sisi: “The water thrown out by the married daughter, I still have to have a son! Hurry up and think about giving birth to a second child!” Sisi frowned immediately after hearing this, feeling that the second aunt’s remarks were indeed a bit annoying.
In fact, it is not uncommon for Sisi to encounter this kind of situation in life, and when we visit Bao’s mother and children, we must pay more attention to it.
When relatives and friends go to visit the newly promoted mother, these few words are not suitable to say.
Let’s go When visiting the newly promoted mother, although it is a good intention, we still have to take care of our own mouths. Considering the special situation of her mother, we need to pay attention to what we say, and no matter how good the relationship is, we should not neglect.
Especially these 4 sentences, no matter how good the relationship is, don’t say it, even if you think it’s a joke, it’s easy to “make people offended”. Good intentions are considered bad intentions, but it’s really not worth it!
▼”Hey, this little guy is not as good as you two”
This sentence The words are really unpleasant when they are said. The implication is that the children are not looking good.
I believe that even if the relationship is close, parents will not want their children to be labeled as “not good-looking”. Besides, what can such a small child see?
We should have a good heart for a newborn baby, and don’t have negative thoughts about its appearance. The baby will look better with age.
▼”The little boy spends a lot of money, your husband and wife may be busy”
There are many When people are visiting a newborn, if they find that it is a boy, they will be embarrassed to tell their parents that it is similar to what you gave birth to a boy. This is enough words for you to be busy.
It is undeniable that the cost of raising a boy is not low. Going to school, getting married, and buying a house are all large expenses, but these things are the affairs of other people’s parents, so it will increase the burden on others.
▼”It is said that girls are spilled water, when do you plan to have a second child”
Some people are influenced by the patriarchal thinking and feel that they must have a son to represent the “continuation” of the family, so after seeing other people’s family having a daughter, they hurriedly asked when the other person would have a second child.
But the problem is that everyone now advocates equality between men and women, and boys and girls are the same. This will hurt the children and make Baoma sad. This is a very annoying behavior.
▼”After giving birth, why are you so fat?”
Baoma’s experience After the pregnancy in October, slight changes in the figure are normal. Even after the baby is born, it is impossible to recover in a short period of time. Therefore, comments on the body of Bao’s mother are unfriendly.
When these words are spoken, not only will Bao Ma be embarrassed, but she will also fall into melancholy afterwards. Every woman has this stage, so why bother with each other? We have to think more about Bao Ma’s feelings.
In fact, after the baby is born, the mother’s mentality and mood swings become larger, and it’s easy to get into the horns.
The reason why everyone is not allowed to say the above words is because the mother’s mentality and mood after the baby is born Emotions are in a period of volatility, not very stable, and more susceptible to external factors.
If we don’t pay attention to what we say, after Baoma receives it, it’s easy to get caught up in the horns, and even get ourselves into an emotional stalemate, which will affect our mentality. And the growth of the baby.
Therefore, the four words “be cautious in words and deeds” are particularly important.
In addition to those who come to visit, family members who spend time with Bao Ma must be more careful in words and deeds.
In fact, not only It is good for relatives and friends who come to visit. People who have contact with Bao Ma must pay special attention to their words and deeds. Bao Ma at this period is really sensitive, and we have to take care of her emotions.
Whether it is a visitor or a family member who spends time with Bao Ma, you must carefully consider your own words, especially family members, because family members communicate with Bao Ma The frequency is higher, so you have to be more heart-warming when speaking. The son spends a million to buy hands, but he is unwilling to support his 70-year-old parents. The patriarchal relationship is broken.
Since ancient times, there is a saying “raising children to protect the elderly”. What kind of social security is in the eyes of the elderly? It is not the best insurance for old-age care. Only children can provide for themselves. The older generations still feel that their daughters always have to marry out, and that women who marry outside are just “water thrown out”, which is useless for the elderly. No matter how old you are, you have to have a child, first to inherit the family’s incense, and second, to let your son support himself in his old age.
However, the son is really the most senior Is it guaranteed?
Xiao Liu is 33 years old this year, and his income can be regarded as a medium level, and he lives well with his wife. He also has another interest, that is, collecting figurines. He also deliberately placed a locker in his home to display delicate figurines, with a price of millions of dollars.
However, for such a wealthy family, one Men who are willing to spend a lot of money for their hobbies, but are unwilling to support their 70-year-old parents, and are not willing to pay a penny.
Xiao Liu’s parents favor sons over daughters, and they come late to get their sons, so naturally they are particularly fond of their sons. Whether it is material or emotional, the old man is partial to his son. Even the pension he saved for so many years buys his son a house, and his daughter did not give a dowry when he got married.
Now that the son has grown up, he has become a “white-eyed wolf” because he is able to support his parents, and the daughter is unwilling to support the elderly because of her chills.
The patriarchal family has broken flesh and blood
I grow my own Because you have to taste the results yourself, this pair of patriarchal old people is pitiful and pathetic. If the old people treated their daughters equally, or didn’t treat their daughters so harshly, there would be no one to support them now. He lifted his son to the sky and trampled his daughter to the ground. The son regretted it when he was reluctant to provide for the elderly.
This is the lesson of patriarchal patriarchy. Ignoring a daughter is tantamount to breaking the family relationship. The heart of the child is broken, so how can he be willing to raise a parent who is not good to him? Raising children is so utilitarian that you can’t even say that maternal love is great. It is really pitiful to make people feel pitiful.
This son has been surrounded by his parents since he was a child. He was spoiled and despised, and finally became profiteering. This is really like his parents. What kind of parents will have what kind of children, so tragic results can be expected by everyone.
Raising children to prevent old age? What should Chinese parents do?
Family relations in most families are very harmonious, so children are willing to support their parents, but this does not mean that “raising children for the elderly” is reliable. Times have changed, and the cost of living of young people continues to rise, sometimes not because their children are not filial, but because they are filial but unable to do so.
Now parents should not talk about “raising children to prevent old age”, but change their minds.
1) Physical health is the most important.
Physical health is to save money for your wallet. For the elderly, physical health is the most reliable. Now that I am retired, it is better to let go of the children’s affairs and don’t care too much. Actively exercise every day, even if you are walking around in the community, it is helpful to your body. You can also learn some active health regimens in peacetime. This is the most practical and reliable way to provide for the elderly.
2) Get rid of patriarchal thoughts
Whether it is a son or a woman, they are the children of their parents, and they have the obligation to provide for the elderly. Even if your daughter is married, parents should not be depressed, and they can let their daughters go home to have a look, or take care of their children. It is important to know that it is not going out to marry someone who really broke the family relationship, but the emotions have faded. Parents should get rid of the patriarchal thinking, treat children equally and give them the same warm love.
As long as there is no problem with family education and elderly care concepts , The old people’s old age will definitely live better. On the contrary, if neither of the above two points can be achieved, then what happened to Xiao Liu’s family will definitely not be an exception.