When parents yell at their children, do you know the child’s inner thoughts? Parents should understand the consequences of roaring baby
There is a classic picture book in Germany. The name of this picture book is “Mom Who Screams When I Get Angry”. It vividly portrays this picture book. This picture book has a high evaluation for children’s inner world that has been yelled at by their mothers, and is often used as a parent-child interaction theme by kindergartens and elementary schools. After reading it, many parents said that they began to reflect on themselves after reading it, and felt sorry for their children.
The content of the picture book is like this. One day, when the little penguin woke up slowly in the morning, the food that the mother penguin made for the little penguin was cold, and the little penguin was still daunting, and it was going to be late for school in a blink of an eye. The mother penguin started to lose his temper at the little penguin, and it yelled angrily at the little penguin.
The roar of the mother penguin scared the little penguin all over, and its head flew into the universe. Its belly fell into the sea. Its wings fell into the tropical rain forest, and its mouth flew to the high mountains. And its tail? But he didn’t know where he was dropped. He was left with a pair of legs, running and running, wanting to scream, no mouth, wanting to find, no eyes, wanting to fly, but no wings.
Finally it ran to the Sahara Desert and he felt very tired. At this time, a shadow covered it. It turned out that Mother Penguin had lost her temper and drove the big boat to look for it. It found the missing parts of the penguin’s body and helped him install these parts. Mother Penguin apologized to him, and then they happily drove the boat home.
When parents are When shouting at the child, do you know the child’s inner thoughts?
When parents yell at their children, the child’s brain has lost the ability to think at this time, and it can be blank. At this time, the child will feel very scared in his heart. The mother’s roar will make him feel scared and terrified, and it will also make him want to escape, becoming like a little penguin, and his body becomes “torn apart”.
The child is very scared at this time. He will feel that his parents don’t love him anymore, and he feels very insecure. The yelling from the parents to the child is as terrible as a “volcano eruption”.
The famous actor Chen Qiaoen, she once said in a show that she also has a grumpy mother. When she was young, as long as she did something wrong, or when she did something procrastinated, her mother would yell at her, and even be beaten and scolded by her mother.
She said that this has become a shadow of her childhood, and she has become very autistic because of this. She called her mother’s yelling “the voice of the devil”, and when she said this part, the expression on her face was full of fear. Although no matter how parents yell at their children or scold them, they will still love you and stick to you, but the children will give up loving themselves because of this.
The American sociologist Murray Strauss has done a study, and the results of the study found that 90% of parents said they had yelled at their children. These parents said that after yelling at their children, they are not afraid that the child will cry, nor that the child will make trouble, but will reason with them, because they are afraid that the child will turn themselves into a silent mode.
These children who have been turned into silent mode are full of fear in their hearts. The researchers surveyed these children and asked them what they were thinking about at the time. Most of the children answered “I feel bad and worried that my parents will abandon him.”
Parents should understand the consequences of roaring baby
1, become inferior
The child who has been yelled at by his parents for a long time has a low self-esteem in his heart, and he has no confidence in his personal abilities. Over time, they will develop procrastination. They are not active in doing things, and they are not active in facing life. They will procrastinate when doing things. They will only slow to implement them after their parents have finished yelling. The reason why children procrastinate is because they have low self-esteem and have lost enthusiasm for life.
2. Form a pleasing personality
Children who have been yelled at by their parents for a long time will form a pleasing personality in order to avoid being yelled at by their parents. He will try to please his parents, do things that make them happy, and ignore his own inner feelings. When the child does this, he just hopes that his parents will treat him better. Don’t always yell at him, he is worried. Parents will abandon him after yelling. Such children are also prone to depression.
In the impression of many children, the temperament of their parents is always the same as the weather. When you are in a good mood, you can do anything for him. When you get angry, the child feels that his parents will abandon them. The fluctuating warmth and coldness of the parents will also make the child feel insecure, and the child will become very sensitive in heart, which will also lead to gains and losses.
You can educate your children well without yelling or yelling, and you must face your children in the best possible state.
1. Express in a way that makes the children comfortable
When parents communicate with their children, Think about the problem from the perspective of the child, and know how to put yourself in the shoes of the child, although sometimes some behaviors of the child are not good, and some things are not completed as well as the parents expected. But parents should also express to their children in a way that makes them comfortable, and get rid of their habit of yelling.
If the child sleeps late and wants to wake up and brush his teeth, you can pass the toothbrush to the child, smile and say to the child, “Go, mom will accompany you to brush your teeth and see if your teeth are closest Has it turned white?” This way children can accept it better, and this way of expression makes it easy to raise a child with high EQ.
2. It can be expressed in “body language”
The famous actor Sun Li once said that when a child has feelings of dissatisfaction, anger, or sadness, what he needs is not the yelling of his parents, nor the parents’. Preaching. At this time, parents should understand him from the perspective of the child, support him, and encourage him. Those great principles can wait until the child’s mood stabilizes before telling the child, the child will accept it.
When the child is wronged and is in a bad mood, impatient parents look at the child in a bad mood, and they are also very upset. But at this time, parents must not yell at their children or preach to them.
The American linguist Alberta Meribin once put forward a famous communication formula, this formula is the total effect of communication = 7% language expression + 38% tone + Fifty-five percent facial expressions.
It can be seen that for children, the effect of body language is greater than language expression and the tone of language. Parents can give the child a hug when the child is sad. This effect will be greater than yelling and preaching to the child.
3. Before getting angry, press the pause button
Many times, parents yell at their children, not because the child has done too much. It’s because the parents’ mood is affected by the pressure of life and daily chores, and the child becomes a tool for parents to vent at this time.
Before the parents get angry, they must press the pause button in time. At this time, the parents can let themselves stay alone for a while. Calm yourself down, figure out the real reason for your anger, and cushion your emotions. After you have adjusted your emotions, you can face your child in the best possible state, and the child will grow up happily.
When parents yell at their children, do you know the children’s inner thoughts? The children are very scared at this time, and they are also very afraid that their parents will abandon him and feel very insecure. Parents should understand the consequences of yelling at their children. Parents can educate their children well without yelling or yelling. We must face the children in the best possible state to make them grow up happily. Old people don’t help with their children. Old age is nothing more than these three endings. The saddest thing is this.
Nowadays, many elderly people choose to help their children with children. Although they don’t have such obligations, they do not have this obligation. Younger children will use the phrase “don’t help with the children, don’t provide for the aged” as an example.
So even if some elderly people are reluctant to help their children with their children, they have to reach out to help them for the sake of their own old-age care considerations.
So how are the elderly who don’t help their children with their children?
The old man was unwilling to help his daughter-in-law with children. When she was old age, her daughter-in-law returned to me and only gave birth to me and my child.
At the beginning, Xiaoran married her for love. Although she had worked so hard, she felt that she was able to live with her. The beloved is happy together.
Although Yuqing was full of water, after Xiaoran gave birth, her mind changed.
When she was about to finish her maternity leave, Xiaoran wanted to ask her in-laws to help her with the children, but her parents-in-law said that she had no obligation to enjoy life after retirement, so she didn’t have time to help with her baby.
Seeing other old people in the community happily helping with their grandchildren, Xiao Ran felt very wronged.
“Children will spend more money in the future. If I can go out to work, the family financial pressure will be much less! Why are the elderly people so selfless?”
Three years have passed, and Xiaoran is pretty After the most difficult period of time, after sending her children to kindergarten, Xiao Ran finally found a new job.
It didn’t happen that Xiaoran’s in-laws at this time suggested that he was in poor health and wanted to live with his son and daughter-in-law.
For the old man’s request, Xiao Ran refused without even thinking about it. “When I asked you to help me bring the baby, you did not help, so from now on I will only take care of the one who gave birth to me and the one who gave birth to me, and the others have nothing to do with me!”
The two were very embarrassed, and at the same time made Xiaoran’s husband very embarrassed. In this way, the couple held a stalemate for a while, seeing their daughter-in-law’s resolute attitude, the parents-in-law had to return to their hometown angrily.
If the elderly don’t help with their children, they will end up with these three endings. The last one is the saddest.
There is a grudge between the children and the elderly
Although the elderly don’t help with the children, the children also choose Nothing goes wrong, but children will inevitably feel grudges about this kind of “stand-by”.
When the children need help most, the elderly do not help. For children who are accustomed to their parents, this is really uncomfortable.
Especially when a daughter-in-law or son-in-law is dissatisfied with this, family conflicts will occur more frequently.
Obtain the understanding and consideration of the children
The elderly have no obligation to help with their children. If the children are reasonable, they can understand the choices of the elderly.
After all, old people have worked their lives for their children, and they deserve the right to enjoy their old age.
If you can gain the understanding and consideration of your children, then the elderly who don’t help with children will lead a very secure life in their later years.
Children are unwilling to help the elderly.
If the children are worried about the elderly’s choice of not helping the elderly, and are therefore unwilling to help the elderly, then the elderly’s life will be It is very bleak.
The more people are in their old age, the more they need the care of their children. If the children are indifferent to the elderly, this will naturally make the elderly very sad.
How should young couples view the elderly’s choice not to help with their babies?
Be considerate of the old people’s thoughts
After all, old people have already paid a lot of hard work for raising their children and they deserve the right to enjoy their old age.
So even if the elderly are unwilling to help with their children, children should not hold grudges for it.
Being considerate of the old people’s thoughts will make the future relationship more warm and harmonious, which will be more gratifying to the old people.
Don’t use the old age as a “blackmail”
Although in the eyes of some children, there is nothing wrong with not providing for the old age without raising a baby, but this is actually a problem for the elderly. Not fair enough.
Using old-age care to coerce the elderly to help with their children will undoubtedly make the elderly feel sad, and it will also make the elderly feel very stressed.
Even if the old people finally make a compromise, there will be more stumbling and contradictions in the days when they share the baby together.
Communicate well with the elderly
It is necessary for children to communicate with the elderly further to understand the reasons and concerns of the elderly unwilling to help with their babies.
If the elderly simply want to enjoy a leisurely old age, children should be respected.
If the elderly have scruples about living under the same roof, children should show their attitude so that the elderly can relax their burdens.
In short, regardless of whether the elderly are willing to help with their children, children should bear the responsibilities and obligations of providing for the elderly.
Of course, although there are many elderly people who are willing to sacrifice their time to help their children with children, this does not mean that children can complain about the elderly who are unwilling to bring children.
What do you think about the choice of elderly people who are unwilling to help with their babies?