What should I do if my child refuses to obey discipline? Parents must master the “Aronson effect” to make education more worry-free

What should I do if my child refuses to obey discipline? Parents must master the “Aronson effect” to make education more worry-free

They say that children are “little angels”, but in the process of parenting, “little angels” may eventually become “little demons.” Behind this is the child’s psychological reasons at play. Parents always feel that when a child disobeys discipline, beating is neither a curse nor a curse. So what should I do? 

Case study:

Xiaoyu’s mother never fights She has scolded children, and Xiao Yu is relatively obedient, but after entering junior high school, Xiao Yu started to be a little rebellious. He always went outside to play with friends without parental consent, and often didn’t go home until late at night. At this time, Xiao Yu was accustomed to the gentle education of his parents, and could not listen to his parents’ persuasion. 

In this way, the children’s grades have been declining, and even their minds are not studying. Faced with children who do not obey the discipline, Xiao Yu’s parents feel that it is time to change the way of education. 

They began to set strict schedules for their children. If they did not follow the requirements, they would not get pocket money. Seeing such a situation, Xiao Yu had a temper with his parents. He said: “This is not fair. Why do you want me to do it every day?”

Xiao Yu’s parents are very helpless, what is their own education? Is there a problem with the method, or is it because the child has entered a rebellious period and is unwilling to obey the discipline? 

In psychology, there is a concept called “Aronson effect” can explain the above phenomenon, parents should understand it in time. 

What is the “Aronson effect”? 

Aronson is a famous psychologist. He once did an experiment in which he divided a group of volunteers into two groups and gave positive and negative evaluations to the two groups. 

The results show that people who receive negative reviews will have feelings of disgust and disgust. However, there is another unexpected result, which is to give some rewards and affirmations to those who have received negative reviews, and these people can rebuild their confidence. 

This experiment shows that if you want to really It is very important to help a person build confidence and establish a sense of trust between the two parties. It is very important to affirm and encourage in time. If you continue to deny one person, the relationship between two people can only gradually become estranged. How should we understand it when it comes to childcare? 

The “Aronson effect” in the process of parenting

First of all, parents should not deny their children too much

Many parents have such a misunderstanding, which is the so-called “loyalty against ears”. Parents believe that as parents of children, they should dare to point out their children’s weaknesses and point out their children’s room for improvement without reservation. Parents may think that this is the most direct and effective way to encourage children, but the result is just the opposite. 

Children who have received too many negative comments will gradually lose trust in their parents, and the parent-child relationship will be alienated as a result. Therefore, in order to ensure the harmony and stability of the parent-child relationship, parents should know the art of speaking and point out the children’s mistakes in a gentler way, rather than denying the children’s own value. 

Secondly, parents should encourage their children more


Encouragement can not only help children build self-confidence, but also make children feel self-worth. This is the greatest affirmation that a child can feel as an independent individual. Many parents think that their children should be excellent, and they are destined to be punished if they make a mistake. 

But the “Aronson” effect tells us that it is very important to learn to affirm and encourage children in a timely manner. This can strengthen children’s trust in parents and give children sufficient self-affirmation. 

Therefore, parents should grow up with their children Mastering the “Aronson effect” in the process can make education more worry-free. So, what should parents do? 

How to make good use of the “Aronson effect”? 

First: Encourage children in time when they do well

When children achieve achievements, parents should not begrudge their own encouragement because they are worried about their children’s pride. In fact, encouragement is not only a reward for the children’s hard work, but also Can stimulate the child’s motivation to move forward. For example, praise the child “you are awesome”, “you did a great job this time” and so on. 

Second: Don’t deny your child’s mistakes The value of the child

Although the child has done something wrong, parents should not deny the child’s own value. Instead, they should know how to use the correct wording and tell the child that there is nothing wrong with them, but something Things are not good enough. Only when the self-worth of the child is respected, the child will respect the parent in turn. 

Third: Affirmation and criticism go hand in hand

When children do not obey their parents’ discipline, parents should use language and the art of education, knowing how to criticize children and point out mistakes at the same time Affirming the child, so that while respecting the child’s self-worth, it can also make the child realize that he is wrong. This is the most important thing. 

Children are always swaying, which may be affected by “Witch’s Law”. Parents must do these three points well

“Difficulty in choosing” is a problem faced by many adults, and children are the same. Parents often find that their children always have a hard time making decisions. They want to play this one while they want that one. It is said that children have innocent and innocent thoughts. Why do children’s thoughts become as complicated as adults when it comes to making a decision? 

Case study:

I took my son and watch that day The elder brother’s daughter went to the playground to play, and the son took his younger sister to watch the amusement projects. The two of them were inseparable. Whatever the elder brother wants to play, the younger sister also wants to play. 

The son is more courageous and wants to play a pirate ship, but the younger sister has never played, and she is a little scared in her heart and doesn’t know how to choose. Seeing that the elder brother was going to play the pirate ship by himself, the younger sister was reluctant to listen to me, so she followed her on the board. 

As a result, after I played the pirate ship with these two children, my sister was so scared to cry when I came down. I persuaded for a long time and didn’t know how to solve it. The younger sister cried out: “It’s all my brother who wants to play. I didn’t want to go. I blamed my brother!”

The son became unhappy after hearing this: “You are obviously the timid!” Seeing the two children There was a quarrel, so I quickly took them to buy snacks to divert their attention. 

Actually, children are making decisions It is very easy to be influenced by others. They want to do what others do, and when they are different from others, their position will also be shaken. This psychology is called “Witch’s Law”

How to explain “Witch’s Law” and what impact does it have on children’s daily life? 

“Witch’s Law” is a conclusion based on an experimental observation. Researchers have found that when a group of people chooses a position on a certain matter, if a person finds that everyone around him is different from himself, he will Will quietly change his position, just to be able to be like others. 

For children, they are wavering The reason may also be the influence of others, it is difficult for them to make independent decisions, as long as others make suggestions or methods, they can easily change their positions. 

Although Witch’s law is common in life, it will have a certain negative impact on children, as follows:

1. The child has no independent opinion

When the child makes a choice, if Over-reliance on the ideas and absolute decisions of others makes it easy for a child to become an unindependent person in the future, so that it will be difficult for the child to learn to be independent. 

2, the child lacks self-confidence and does not understand Self-demand

Children who rely excessively on other people’s ideas can hardly understand their own inner thoughts. Once others are unable to help the child, the child will not dare to make decisions due to lack of self-confidence. This makes it difficult for the child to truly understand Understand and meet self-needs, it will be difficult to form an independent personality in the future. 

3. Children are too entangled to do things inefficiently

Adults are trapped in entangled emotional fashion and will feel distressed, while children are more likely to fall into such negative effects. The way to make decisions in a timely manner will lead to a decrease in the efficiency of children’s work, which is not good for children’s study and life. 

In short, the child’s suggestion is to rely too much on others No, they should know how to make their own decisions, and children are always vacillating, which may be affected by the “Witch’s Law”. Parents should try to avoid their children from being negatively affected by it, and be a good guide for their children’s growth. 

Parents should do these three points:

First point: Don’t interfere with children when they make choices.

Many parents will observe when their children are doing homework or doing things. Once the child makes a mistake, point it out immediately, and this will not only fail to help the child, but it will also cause the child to rely on such interference, resulting in inability to concentrate. Parents should understand that children have to do their own things by themselves. Excessive interference with children will only cause children to lose their own initiative to deal with things. They should take every step of the way carefully. 

Second point: Understand the child’s choice Psychological motivation

After the child has made the choice and decision, parents should try to understand why the child makes such a choice, and know how to respect the child. Understanding the child’s psychological motivation is not only a step to understand whether the child’s choice is reasonable, but also a key factor in understanding the child’s heart. 

The third point: Let children develop the habit of independence

Parents should learn to give their children enough space for themselves. When the children are hesitant, don’t obstruct their children too much. To make a decision is to let the children understand what their true needs are, and teach them to make decisions based on their own pursuit, rather than blindly following others. After doing so, they will not regret the decision. Give children a certain amount of space so that they can gradually learn to be independent. 


Children always waver, this It has nothing to do with the child’s personality, but a psychological law at work. Parents must understand the mechanism behind Witch’s law, teach their children to put the center of choice on their own body, and know how to explore their innermost needs, according to their own Willing to live. At the same time, parents should also lead by example and teach their children to be independent.

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