These three sentences are poisonous, but parents often tell their children, see if you have said to your children.
There is such a fable in the West. In a certain country in the West, there is a man named The king of Angela woke up one day and found that he had grown a pair of pig ears. He wore a turban around his head in order to prevent others from discovering it.
One day, he was playing a game with his only daughter. He accidentally took off the turban while playing the game, and the daughter discovered the secret of her father’s emperor. The king was a little flustered after his daughter discovered his secret. He warned his daughter, “Can’t you tell me my secret?” The daughter looked at her father and the emperor innocently and nodded.
Although the daughter promised to the king that she would not tell the story, the king still couldn’t believe in the daughter in his heart, thinking that the daughter would reveal his secrets. So when he sees his daughter every day, he will say to her, “Remember what you promised me, no one will treat you as dumb if you don’t speak.”
The princess also changed under the warning from her father. It’s getting less and less talkative. Suddenly one day, the princess became completely speechless, and the king sought medical treatment everywhere, but was unable to heal the princess. Later, the princess wrote a few words on the paper to her father, she wrote “Dear father, what you said to me is “poisonous”.”
How many parents are there now, They also played the role of the king in this fable, saying “poisonous” words to the child, and finally “poisoning” the child dumb? The following three sentences are “toxic”, but parents often tell their children.
Parents often correct The three words the child said are “toxic”.
Natasha Daniels, a child psychotherapist with 16 years of experience in child psychotherapy, once said that parents often say something “toxic” to their children, which will hinder the child from speaking. Willingness. This hinders parent-child communication, and such parents will not be able to educate their children well.
1. Words that threaten children
We often see situations like this in parks or communities where children are disobedient. Parents will say threats to children to make them obedient. . For example, you would say to a child, “If you are not obedient, I will throw away your favorite toy. If you are not obedient, I will go home by myself and throw you here.” Such threats to the child are also “poisonous.” It poisoned the heart of the child.
2. Dislike the child
Every parent always has a lot of expectations for the child. When the child’s performance does not reach the long-term promise of the family, the parent will also say something to the child to dislike the child. These words that dislike children are also “poisonous”, and they will poison the children’s self-confidence. For example, parents will say to their children “you are too useless”, “you are really useless”, “you are so stupid” and so on.
3. If you order your children
Parents’ life experience is richer than their children’s life experience, and they have more knowledge than their children. Many parents do not trust their children’s personal abilities and feel that Children cannot make choices on their own. They ignore their children’s wishes and often say commands to their children and make decisions for their children. What parents often say to their children that commands their children is also poisonous, and it is poisoning the children’s self-awareness.
Parents often correct What kind of impact will the child say these three sentences have on the child?
1. Disobey the parent’s discipline
Parents often say something threatening to their children. Such words will not only poison the child’s mind, but also make the child disobey the parent’s discipline. Although the parents’ threats to the children have a certain effect at the beginning, the children will feel scared in their hearts and will be forced to obey the parents’ orders.
When children find that their parents are only verbal threats and do not take any actual actions, the children will start to become dissatisfied with the parents’ discipline, and even contradict the parents.
2. Harm the child’s self-esteem
Parents often say to their children that they dislike the child, which will not only damage the child’s self-confidence, but the child will think that the parent dislikes him in this way and does not love him. This will also make the child less self-confident, which will also hurt the child’s self-esteem, the child’s self-esteem will be damaged for a long time, and low self-esteem will also be formed.
3. It is easy to develop a psychology of dependence.
Parents rely on their own experience to be richer than their children. They will only give their children orders, not the right to choose, and directly ignore their children’s wishes. Drop. Over time, the child will be prone to dependence, he will become unintentional, and will only subconsciously find his parents to solve the problem. That’s how it is formed that there is no decisive ability in case of trouble, and only knows the character of mother-in-law.
Children prefer Parents should learn to communicate with them in this way.
1. Use positive language to communicate with children
Compared with the above-mentioned parents speaking to children with “toxic” language, it will poison the children’s minds. , Let the child become rebellious, the child hopes that the parent can communicate with them in positive language. When the child is disobedient, parents may wish to try to communicate with the child in positive language. Parents can transform the threatening words into positive language and try to communicate with the child.
For example, if the child doesn’t want to sleep when it’s time, parents can say to the child, “Baby, it’s time for rest, can mom rest with you?”, if the child makes a mess of toys, parents can talk to the child. The child said, “Baby, let’s put the toys together and let the toys go back to their homes?” Parents communicate with their children in this way, and the children are more receptive. This way of communication will also make the children feel better when they encounter problems. , Face it with a positive and optimistic attitude.
2. Give children strength with encouraging child language
Most parents hope their children will grow up to be as good as they expected. When parents find their children are not good, they will also tell their children Say something “poisonous”. That is to say, dislike the child, these words will not only affect the child’s self-confidence, but also affect the child’s self-esteem.
Even if the child’s performance is not as good as the parent’s expectations, parents should use language that encourages the child to communicate with the child. Parents can say to the child “I believe you can” or “I have confidence in you”. Children will prefer parents to communicate with them in this way. Encouraging children’s language will also give them strength and give them the confidence and motivation to make progress.
3. Let the children make their own decisions in a negotiating tone
The American Time Magazine columnist Eric Barker once said that parents should understand their children’s feelings and let the children make their own decisions, not always for the children Only by making a decision can a child behave positively.
Compared with the “poisonous” language of the parents commanding the child, the child prefers the parent to use the tone of discussion to let him make his own decision. Children’s life should be left to the children themselves. Parents can be the guides of their children’s lives, but don’t become participants in their children’s lives. Parents use a more deliberative tone to let their children make their own decisions, which will make the children more assertive and more confident.
A psychologist once said that when parents talk to their children, it is very similar to rain. Positive energy will be like a spring rain that moisturizes things and silently, but if you talk to your children, it will be like the sky. Sulfuric acid rain will destroy everything. The above three sentences are “toxic”, but parents often tell their children.
Parents and friends, let’s see if you have said to your children? Welcome to leave a message for interaction. I don’t want to be used as a “drag oil bottle” when I grow old. I have to prepare in advance, but most elderly people ignore it.
Why do people have to give birth? child? I don’t know if I have thought about this question.
According to relevant statistics, many people have never thought about this issue when they give birth. They just feel that they are the age when they should get married and have children. Got this train. But thinking about it in retrospect, many people may answer “just like children” or “hope to experience a person’s growth from beginning to end”. Some are very realistic. They give birth to prevent old age.
But can you really “prevent old age” by having children?
Compared to the reality of this idea, the real society can be said to be more realistic. There is a grandmother Li in my hometown. She is 86 years old this year and has five sons and two daughters. If it is really reliable to raise children and prevent the elderly, grandma Li should be very happy now. But actually? She suffers from three highs. She accidentally broke her left calf the year before, and she can only take care of herself. Since the death of her husband, Grandma Li has lost her source of income. The only savings she had used before were used by her sons to marry daughters-in-law, so now she has no savings and no income, and her health is not good enough.
When my mother fell to this point, none of Grandma Li’s seven children stood up and took responsibility. Instead, after some negotiation, Grandma Li lived in the house of her five sons in turn. The two daughters are responsible for the mother’s food expenses. On the surface, this seems to be a good arrangement. At least every day, there are children taking care of her, but in fact, several children dislike her, and even secretly say that she is a “oil bottle” and usually give food to her. Eating, all her face was irritable. Grandma Li sometimes had three highs, and her children didn’t care about it, and she had to carry it on her own. It is conceivable that under such conditions, Grandma Li may not be able to survive for long, but this is not the purpose of the children?
Seeing this, do you think the children of this family are too unfilial? But in fact, this situation is extremely common in rural areas. Grandma Li’s seven children are not usually pointed out. On the contrary, there are many people who help them speak, saying that Grandma Li is old enough and should be early. Go, so as not to drag the children down.
It’s a good idea to raise children to prevent the elderly, but many elderly people are regarded as “oil bottles” by their children. They are not in good health and cannot help share housework. Instead, they need to take care of
If it is more than 60 healthy elderly , I believe that no normal children will dislike them, because they still have “utility value”, such as helping to cook at home, or picking up children to and from school. This is also the prevailing situation in the current city. Young couples go to work full-time, at home and The task of bringing the children was given to the elderly, and it seemed that three generations of the family were happy. But it has a prerequisite, that is, the elderly must have use value. Once this value is lost, such as being too old, unable to walk, or in poor health, not only can they not share housework, but they also need someone to take care of them. , Such old people will most likely be regarded as dragging oil bottles by their children.
When you are old and have no money, your children need to pay for support.
Don’t talk about living with your children, even if you live alone in your later years, as long as the elderly have no savings or no financial resources, they will be regarded as procrastination by their children. lecythus. After all, prices are so high now that the monthly living expenses for parents alone are at least a few hundred larger. Therefore, many elderly people who have no pensions and no deposits in the bank have a bleak night scene, because their children are under great financial pressure and cannot spare any effort to support them.
Chinese law stipulates that children are obliged to support their parents, but in the final analysis, it is difficult for every family to recite when it comes to returning to reality. Actually speaking, the elderly are not happy in their old age. Although the children’s unfilial piety has to bear certain responsibilities, the elderly themselves are also responsible. If he can prepare early, the situation may be quite different.
If you don’t want to be regarded as a “drag oil bottle” by your children, the elderly should think about it early. If you don’t prepare, you will be late. A tough body is a hundred times more effective than the filial piety of the children.
The happiness of old age is actually related to the body. Health levels are highly correlated. Being healthy means spending less money in the hospital, the financial pressure on the children will be much less, and there is no need to spend a lot of energy to take care of the elderly. So instead of relying on the filial piety of your children, it is better to find a way to make yourself still have a tough body when you are old. Human functions begin to deteriorate significantly after the age of 50. If you do not strengthen maintenance at this time, you will likely get sick when you are old. Therefore, you do not want to be regarded by your children as a person who drags oil bottles, you must start paying attention at the age of 50. Take care of your body.
Only by relying on their own financial ability can children be more filial
In today’s materialized era, all problems can be attributed to economic problems. For example, if your children are not filial, if you still have a large savings when you are old, or have a fixed income for the elderly, will your children be not filial? So now everyone is buying social insurance, just to have a fixed income guarantee when they get old. If you do not have financial security in your old age, you must save more money while you are still young and buy a suitable endowment insurance. Only in this way can you counter the risk of your children’s unfilial piety.
In short, when you are old, the most reliable thing is not your children and grandchildren, but a healthy body and money in your pocket. As long as you have these two, you will have a high probability of being happy in your old age. Children are also more likely to end up with the reputation of “filial piety”.