The discipline is too strict, what should I do if I push the child farther and farther? Parents must learn to grasp the “standards of education”
Most parents will want to help their children avoid some setbacks in life through discipline, or to make their children’s life more smooth, but the standards of discipline are not so good. Be sure, sometimes because the discipline is too strict, the child is pushed farther and farther.
The girlfriend Xiaoni is actually a very People who love their children laugh from ear to ear every time they mention their children, but as the children reach puberty, the brows of girlfriends start to frown. Because the child is not as obedient as before, and even has repeated rebellious behaviors, the mother does not know how to discipline.
However, after understanding how Xiaoni disciplined her children, she discovered that she did not know how to discipline, but over disciplined. For example, if the child wants to go out to play with her classmates on Sundays, but Xiaoni does not encourage her to have fun with her classmates, but makes repeated orders with her children to come back earlier.
However, the advice did not make Xiao Ni feel at ease. Before the time set with the child, Xiao Ni started to urge the child to go home. This way, too much interference in the discipline of the child’s space also makes the child gradually become rebellious and no longer want to have any good parent-child communication with Xiao Ni.
Actually, there is no problem with discipline, if you say If the child lacks discipline, then the following problems will arise that parents will regret. Therefore, parents can understand the pros and cons of both indulgence education and discipline over-education, and then combine dialectical judgments on how to implement an appropriate education model for their children.
What troubles will indulging education bring?
Obviously, if parents often indulge their children, it will directly cause moral harm to the children. Because when a child makes a mistake, the parent will not give correction in time, but will condone the child’s behavior, and this kind of education will make the child become aggressive and do not have to worry about the feelings of others.
Two: No EQ
If a person does not consider other people’s feelings and does things in his own way, then his EQ cannot be improved, and it may even lead to a very narrow range of friends .
In addition, the impact of emotional intelligence on our lives is not only reflected in interpersonal relationships, but also in the improvement of workplace and personal abilities. If a child does not have emotional intelligence, it will have a great impact on his prospects. Obvious negative impact.
Indulgence education brings more harm to children Only so, but parents cannot go to the other extreme and keep their children farther and farther away from themselves through too strict discipline.
What impact will overly strict discipline have on children?
1: Introverted inferiority complex
Children’s hearts are very fragile. They may become inferior and introverted due to some life experiences. Parents are the beacon of children’s hearts. If the parent did not play a role in illuminating the direction, but obliterated his inner hope, then instead he pushed the child into the abyss and let the child completely close himself.
Two: Become Rebellious
If the parents repeatedly persecute the child, then the child will be forced into the corner of the “heart” by the parent, but the child will be forced to When I was in the corner, I either completely closed myself unwilling to communicate with parents, or became very rebellious and refused to establish any friendly communication with parents.
In fact, no matter what kind of influence it is, all It can be seen that if the parents are too strict, then the children will not want to communicate with themselves, which will seriously affect the relationship between the parents and the children’s education. So what should I do if the discipline is too strict and the child is pushed farther and farther? Parents must learn to grasp “the yardstick of education.”
How should parents grasp the “standard of education”?
1) Respect children
People who know how to respect themselves will also know how to respect others, including respecting their own children. ——Gu Zhenbiao
Parents should have such an understanding that their children are independent living individuals just like themselves. If they give their children respect, the children will gradually understand their parents’ good intentions. , And gradually understand how to listen to parents’ education and accept their parents’ advice.
2) Let the child decide the problem
If parents are too strict and often decide problems for their children, it will make the children lose their independence and the ability to distinguish problems. Therefore, parents may wish to let their children make their own decisions. In this way, it will also help children spread their wings and fly out of their own lives.
3) Use encouragement instead of verbal abuse
Parents should understand that encouragement is more “valuable” than verbal abuse, because for children, they need parental encouragement and praise as motivation to improve themselves . If parents often encourage and praise their children when they are young, they will become more accustomed to being isolated and praised when they grow up, and they will work hard in this way without the parents bothering.
We must respect and trust children in educating children On this basis, try to let the children fly their own wings and fly out of their lives, and then help the children by means of counseling and assistance, so that the children can truly live their lives instead of growing under the protection of their parents. There is a kind of eccentricity called patriarchalism. Parents think they are buried deep, but their daughters know it well
Hunan TV’s first file The variety show “Youth Talk” has received widespread attention since it was broadcast. In the most recent episode, a female high school student stood on stage and accused her father of patriarchal patriarchy and treated herself and her younger brother differently. For example, she said that her father always complained about her fatness. She thought that her father liked thinner children, so starting from the fifth grade of elementary school, she didn’t have a good dinner in order to maintain her figure. However, after her younger brother was born, she gradually discovered that the chubby younger brother was not rejected by his father, and he was lovingly fed by his father to become a “little fat man”…
However, after hearing his daughter’s dissatisfaction, the father did not admit that he was wrong, and said that what his daughter said did not exist. Finally, under repeated cross-examination by the girl, the father finally admitted that he did not care about his daughter for his son. Some parents said in front of their children that they would treat boys and girls equally, but they actually acted patriarchal. Although the parents thought they were buried deep, their daughters knew it well.
When parents value sons over daughters, they value sons over daughters
Parents prefer sons to daughters. For their daughters, it is like a sharp sword pierced into their own heart. Although the parents tried their best to conceal it, the harm it caused could not deceive others. In most cases, patriarchal parents value their sons more than their daughters, and their behavior is more tactful. For example, in the typical “Everything is Good”, Su’s mother said to Su Mingyu, “You are a girl, how can you compare with two older brothers”.
Parents have high expectations for their sons. They hope that their son will achieve something and bring them honor, but they don’t have too much hope for their daughter. On the surface, the parents did not put too much pressure on their daughters, but they had more demands on their sons. However, it can also be said that parents cannot trust their daughters and ignore the value and existence of their daughters, which is patriarchal.
When parents prefer boys to girls, put the best things Leave it to the son.
Parents are partial and patriarchal. No matter how good they are, the actual actions can’t cover up. For example, in the patriarchal cultural tradition, sons are given the right to inherit the family business, but daughters have almost no rights. This is also true of some families, requiring their daughters to bear the obligation of supporting their parents, but they do not have the right to obtain their parents’ inheritance.
Before, there was a lot of trouble on the Internet. A mother had two sons and a daughter. She needed someone to take care of her in her later years, but her two sons were careless and could not take care of them well when they were busy with work. she was. Later, the two sons negotiated with their sister in private, as long as they are willing to take care of their mother, the mother’s inheritance will be owned by the sister in the future. The sister agreed to serve her mother comfortably, but the mother insisted on leaving the property to her son. After learning of the negotiation between the son and the daughter, he also said that the daughter was unruly in taking care of herself.
It can only be said that when parents prefer sons to daughters, they only have sons in their eyes. They just want to leave the best things to their sons, from food to food to real estate. For the son, no matter how good the daughter is, it is useless.
When parents prefer sons, handle the relationship between children , Always think from the perspective of the son.
If parents treat their children equally, when dealing with the relationship between children, they should stand more on the identity of the “third person” and make fair judgments. However, when some parents have conflicts between their children at home, they always think from the perspective of their sons and say good things for their sons, such as “he is young”, “boys are late and ignorant” and so on. So ignoring the feelings of the daughter is patriarchal.