Parent group = “Arena”? Chinese parents are unwilling to admit defeat, and your baby is suffering from two evils.
Writer: Chen Fang
Editor: Liu Yizhi
Finalized: Su Zihou< /p>
Nowadays, the role of parent groups is not only to understand the children’s learning status and to communicate with teachers, but also a place for internal competition. Here, parents become competitors, and children are their competition. Product.
The pictures in this article are all from the Internet , The picture and text have nothing to do.
Sister Wang tells her sad experience: Parents form the “area” of parents.
My daughter is in the second grade of elementary school this year. I originally wanted to report to her according to the child’s interest. She took a painting class, and she was very happy to learn.
But two days ago, the teacher sent a report card to the parent group, and her daughter’s English score was actually in the countdown, while the neighbor’s son was in the first place. Originally, I thought the child was still young, and it would be fine after a while, but I will catch up with it slowly.
Who knows the first in the parent group Dui parents jumped out to talk about their parenting experiences. Among them were neighbors. She said in the group: “Have you enrolled in the tutoring class? My child has made great progress after studying. Failure to report will delay the child’s study.”
Other parents also agreed, saying that they immediately made arrangements for their children. Sure enough, all the children in the class reported after a week. Except for my daughter, I finally had to do so at her request.
But what I didn’t expect is that this is just the beginning, and more competition is yet to come…
The reason for the competition
< p>In fact, this phenomenon is already a very common phenomenon, and it has become a trend, which is called “involution”. This situation exists in all aspects of life, and it is learning for children. competition.
One child leads, the other children Have to catch up, and then return to the same level. If you want to take the lead again, you must pursue higher standards. This way, one by one, leading to continuous improvement of standards, and more efforts need to be made.
Parents naturally don’t want their children to fall behind. Once someone overweights, others will catch up. This will make this competition even more intense. To put it bluntly, it’s a kind of comparison and conformity.
Unhealthy competition brings two evil consequences. Your baby is suffering.
1. The vicious circle is aggravated
Speaking of this kind of competition, the most important feature is its Infinite loopability, no matter how well you do it, someone will always add to your standards.
In the past, the content that we needed to learn in junior high school is now mastered by elementary school students, while the content that needs to be learned in university has even been completed in high school.
2, great pressure, anxiety Deepen
Under this situation, the child is the first to suffer, because they directly bear all the burdens.
“Elementary school students go to 10 tutoring classes during summer vacation”, “In order to get the first place in the exam, write homework every day until 2 am” and other events are already very common. Parents have paid for this kind of competition. It’s not just time and energy.
According to the survey, parents’ education expenditures now account for seven-tenths of the total family expenditures, a year-on-year increase of more than 10 times.
The reason There will be such a situation where children are fully committed to the education of their children. The main reason is that parents have a strong sense of anxiety in this education mode.
In the face of unhealthy competition, what should parents do?
Even though many parents are deeply involved in “involvement”, it is difficult to extricate themselves. There are still some parents who stay awake and become “losers” in the parent group, but their children are beautiful. Mainly because they have achieved these points——
1) Broaden your horizons
This is very important for parents and children, because it can determine a person’s developmental height.
Many people will fall into the scroll because they are dissatisfied with the status quo but do not know how to change, so they only want to surpass those around them to gain a sense of accomplishment. However, moving towards a broader sky will only Falling into this hesitation again.
If you want to jump out of this predicament, you must broaden your horizons. Instead of keeping your child in captivity, let him move towards his own future. They should also cultivate their horizons from childhood. Don’t let them. I am caught in this kind of useless competition.
2) Comprehensive development
Nowadays, the criterion for judging a person is not just “heroes based on performance”, but many parents still don’t realize it, which causes them to be biased when educating their children.
In fact, morality, intelligence, physical education, art and labor, conversation, and emotional intelligence are all important criteria for evaluating a person. Therefore, we should focus on all-round development and cannot be partial and obsessed with a certain aspect.
3) Thinking independently
Many people will fall into this kind of competition because they lack the ability to think independently and are drawn by the psychology of others. However, what we should understand is the meaning of teaching students in accordance with their aptitude.
Everyone is an independent individual. If all are cultivated in a unified mode, only a batch of “robots” will be created in the end, which will result in over-saturation of talents and the competition will circulate again.
When educating children, parents should think independently and know what they like to do, what they are suitable for, and what they can do, instead of following other people’s plans. After all, there are so many roads in the world. Only when you get to your own way can you be faster and more stable. The child suddenly changes from being cute to rebellious, maybe In the “period of enmity”, parents must do these things
According to the survey, about 54% of 11-12-year-old teenagers do not like their parents, and even appear An attitude of hatred of parents.
Finalized: After Su Zi
Educating children is really not easy. If you don’t have two brushes, maybe When encountering parenting problems, they often fall into anxious, helpless, and confused situations, especially for children in the rebellious period. They can’t listen to reason, and they are afraid of hurting their self-esteem. Many parents are broken by this. Heart, what should I do?
< p>The cousin’s child is 12 years old this year and is a first-year student. When I met her at dinner two days ago, my cousin kept complaining to me that my cousin Hao Hao has become very eccentric recently and always likes to be with me She worked against it.
When the cousin asked questions, Hao Hao always ignored her, and even complained that she was annoying and nagging, and treated her cousin like an “enemy”, which made her very uncomfortable. understanding.
The pictures in the text are all from The Internet, pictures and text are irrelevant
Actually, Hao Hao is in the “period of hatred”. Children in this period begin to have their own ideas and become more self-aware. In order to fight for independence and Ego, they will deliberately confront their parents and challenge the authority of parents intentionally or unintentionally. Psychologists call the unique performance of a child during the transition from a child to an adult as the “hate period.” Specifically, when teenagers are 13 or 14 years old, they will work against their parents. This situation may last for two to three years.
There are What are the characteristics?
1. Poor temper and impatient
Perhaps because of the puberty, affected by the hormone changes in the body, the child’s temper will become abnormally hot, it will burn at a little, and it will be a little unpleasant. If you follow suit, you will lose your temper, especially when your parents can’t understand yourself, so you have to vent your anger on the person closest to you.
2. Like to fight against their parents
Children at this stage like to sing against their parents very much. If you let him go east, he has to go west, or find various reasons and reasons to refute Parents, they are trying to fight for their rights and declare sovereignty.
3, too lazy to communicate with parents
Children in the “period of hatred” are very self-conscious. They feel that their thoughts are more current, while their parents are outdated. Communication is not in the same channel at all. They disdain to communicate with their parents and prefer to hide alone. Play in the room and don’t want to stay with my parents.
4. Pay special attention to your privacy
Children at this stage begin to have their own careful thoughts and little secrets. They may record their thoughts in their diaries. Parents should not mess around at will Look through the children’s personal belongings, do not check the children’s mobile phones and letters, do not talk about the children’s embarrassment in front of strangers, etc., and be sure to preserve the children’s face.
Children in the “period of hatred” need correct methods of discipline. If the parents allow it to develop, they may be rebellious, or have bad habits, become complacent and degenerate or reluctant to make progress , It will affect the future study and life, so what should parents do?
When the child is in an enemy What should parents do during the period?
1. Be sure to know how to respect children
The most important thing for children in the hatred period is respect. They hope to gain the understanding and tolerance of their parents. At this time, it is best for parents to use less imperative Ask the child with a tone of voice, but think more from the perspective of the child. When facing the child’s needs, don’t refuse without thinking, but listen carefully to the child’s thoughts, analyze the reasons behind it, and give the child a positive response.
2. Protect children’s privacy
Some parents especially like to discuss their children in front of outsiders, especially when they expose shortcomings, accuse them, or talk about embarrassment. They find it interesting, but they don’t know the child’s face The embarrassment and confusion of what to do, seriously hurt the child’s self-esteem and self-confidence; children in the hatred period have their own privacy, and parents must not openly spy on their children’s secrets. This will only make them feel that their parents do not trust themselves, thus creating barriers.
3. More recognition and encouragement Children
Children at this stage love face very much. They hope that parents can talk more about their own good, rather than blindly attack and ridicule, especially in front of acquaintances, must let the children be recognized feel.
4. Do not impose ideas on children
Adolescent children begin to have their own ideas and thoughts. Parents should not impose any interference. It is best to try to understand the children’s true feelings and find To help them resolve their dissatisfaction and confusion, do not force them to accept their own opinions and opinions, and then deprive them of the right to make decisions on their own. It is very important to guide education, otherwise the children will be unhappy and will only be in harmony. The parents worked against each other.
5. Be patient< /p>
When a child is rebellious, swearing, etc., don’t blame or beat and scold the child at the first time, but talk to the child calmly, talk to the heart, and listen with enough patience Their demands, don’t educate children in the tone of the past or the elders.