Most of the children who were well-behaved and obedient when they were young have psychological problems when they grow up. What happened?
The classmates reunion a few days ago, I accidentally heard the news that when I was a child, the class leader who tasted good and good, actually got depression, committed suicide every day, life was in chaos, not only did nothing, Moreover, she was depressed and unhappy all day, which made her parents very distressed. After we listened, we were shocked that when she was a child, she was the “child of someone else’s family” as our parents called her. She was very good.
She was obedient and sensible since she was a child. She didn’t have to worry about her parents about anything. She was able to self-discipline to go to bed and get up early every day, and she could help take care of her younger brother, wake him up, and make breakfast for her family. In the evening, she will help her brother to do homework. At that time, we were primary school classmates with her. Her grades in primary school were very good. She was the class monitor from grade one to grade six. She had very good grades, and the awards won were countless. Count, it is said that he also took a good university entrance examination.
Unexpectedly, she was so behaved when she was a child, and when she grew up, she developed a serious mental illness. After the doctor’s treatment, her parents discovered that it was because she was too obedient and obedient when she was a child. Such “sequelae” will only appear later. After this incident, we couldn’t help but have such questions. Why do children who were behaved and obedient when they were young have psychological problems when they grow up?
Those who were very young Good-looking children, the reasons for their psychological problems when they grow up
Parenting expert Adele Farber once said that letting a child become a flesh-and-blood person, so that he can have a true emotional experience, let him be a good child of a parent. important. Those well-behaved children are more prone to various problems when they grow up, and the most obvious problem is psychological problems.
1. Be well-behaved just to please
Whether it is in the old era or the new era, parents have a unified requirement for their children, that is, they hope that their children will be obedient and well-behaved. If the child is not obedient and well-behaved, the parents will beat and scold him at every turn. Children are naughty by nature, but in order to please their parents and avoid parental beatings, they can only make themselves obedient, but they also suppress the child’s nature and ignore their own feelings. After growing up, psychological problems are also prone to occur.
2. Be well-behaved in exchange for love
Some parents seldom accompany their children. When the children grow up, they never feel the care and love of their parents. These parents always say to their children, “As long as you are good, I will love you more”. Many children are well-behaved in exchange for their parents’ love for him. In exchange for a little love from his parents, he went against his will and only catered to his parents in exchange for the goodwill of his parents. Such children are prone to become depressed and unhappy, and they are also prone to psychological problems when they grow up.
3. Being well-behaved makes him lose himself.
If a child is well-behaved since childhood and obeys his parents’ arrangements for everything, the child will also lose his own opinion and is more likely to lose himself. He knows to think about others everywhere, and only consider other people’s feelings in everything, but ignore his own feelings. There is a saying on the Internet that says, “If you don’t erupt in silence, you will perish in silence.” Children who lose themselves are also prone to a series of psychological problems when they grow up.
Too good since childhood Children who are too sensible will also have the following problems:
1. Easy to become rebellious
Children who are too sensible and sensible from childhood will have a series of psychological problems. Such Guo is also prone to become Rebellious. When his being well-behaved has not been exchanged for more care from his parents, he will complain about his parents, and he will become a well-behaved child, a rebellious and disobedient child. He will even go astray in order to attract the attention of his parents, ruining his own future.
2. Personality becomes extreme
Children become well-behaved and sensible. Maybe they just want to be affirmed by their parents; maybe just want their parents’ love; maybe just to please their parents… But if the child After becoming well-behaved, he will not get what he wants. Coupled with his parents’ incomprehension of him, his character will become extreme and his heart will become sensitive. Once a child is stimulated, the way he handles things will become extreme, and he may even do things that hurt himself.
3. Become a double-faced faction
In order to become well-behaved, obedient, and sensible children from their parents, many children work hard to suppress their own nature and make themselves no longer greedy or naughty. In order to make their parents happy, they bear the pressure they shouldn’t bear, and they dare not even express their true emotions. Such children have already become two-faced. Their hearts will be extremely painful, they will constantly suppress themselves, lose the innocence that should belong to him, and make their psychology become precocious.
A child surrounded by love does not need to be obedient
There is a passage in the book “The Mission of Floyd” that says that a person is undoubtedly deeply loved by his parents Be pampered, he will feel like a winner throughout his life. And this belief in success will enable him to obtain a steady stream of spiritual power throughout his life.
1. Give children unconditional love
Those parents who require their children to be well-behaved and sensible, although they love their children, their love for their children is conditional. This condition is that children must be well-behaved and sensible. Will love him. Because parents did not give unconditional love to their children, it is not conducive to educating children well.
Parents should give their children unconditional love. Children who are surrounded by love do not need to be obedient. This kind of love is unconditional. The love of parents will make the child self-love, and it will also make the child more confident and self-confident. Such a child will be more likely to be successful when he grows up.
2. Give unconditional trust
The reason why parents require their children to be obedient is also because parents do not trust their children. Parents feel that their children will easily cause trouble and cause trouble if they do not have their own control. This is why parents require their children to be obedient, but there is no love for this kind of education. This will not only educate the child well, but also affect the child’s life.
Children surrounded by love do not need to be obedient. Parents give their children unconditional trust in order to make children feel love. In this way, even if the child is questioned, the parents will stand up and trust the child unconditionally. Only by giving children the courage and strength to confront difficulties and the unconditional trust of parents in their children can they stimulate their children’s potential and make them more outstanding.
3. Give children the right to choose
Parents require their children to be sensible and behave, and even deprive their children of the right to choose. As a result, the children will lose their own opinions, they will also lose themselves and live a life. It is very painful and life will be very depressive. It will be difficult for parents to educate their children. When children grow up, they are also prone to psychological problems.
In the process of raising children, parents should not ask their children to be good, sensible, and obedient. Children who are surrounded by love do not need to be good and obedient. Parents should give their children the right to choose and let the children themselves Choose the life you want to live, listen more to your child’s heart, let your child live as he pleases, don’t wrong yourself, don’t embarrass yourself, and live your life truthfully is more important than anything else. Only in this way can we educate a child with independent and optimistic attitude.
Those children who were well-behaved and obedient when they were young are not only prone to become rebellious but also prone to psychological problems when they grow up. Parents must not only educate their children, but also love their children with heart and let them feel love, so that their children can have a strong heart. Promising children will never show these performances at the dinner table. The second one is particularly offensive.
To see if a person is well-educated, just have a meal with him, because table manners are always social An important part of etiquette, if you perform poorly on such occasions, then the whole person’s self-cultivation will be worrying.
And self-cultivation is cultivated since childhood, so parents must pay attention to the performance of children at the dinner table, and promptly guide them when they find something wrong.
When I returned to my hometown during the Spring Festival, there was a little boy who behaved very uneducated during the dinner at the relatives’ house.
Whenever a dish comes up, he always turns the turntable immediately, turns the new dish in front of him, and then randomly dials in it, picking what he likes to eat, and then let others turn the turntable back when he has finished picking it.
The boy’s mother sat next to him, but did not stop the child’s rude behavior. She just taught a few words symbolically and the child didn’t take it seriously.
Although other adults looked dissatisfied, they were not criticized, but everyone’s eyes were obviously bad when they saw the boy.
The boy’s mother seemed to realize it too, and she scolded her son a few words, and her expression became awkward.
When you go to the dinner table, you are a little overlord. Such a child is not difficult to meet in reality. I believe there will be some around you.
However, the children themselves are innocent, because if there is no adult’s instruction and correction, they would never know that their behavior is annoying and unruly.
So if you really want to be held accountable, parents should be the first to bear the brunt.
Interesting Children, never have these performances at the dinner table
Desperately squeezing the dishes you like to eat
The first annoying performance is to see the dishes you like, just one Pinch it into the bowl vigorously, even if you can’t finish it.
This will not only cause waste, but also seriously affect the dining experience of others, because the dishes you like are most likely to be good dishes, and others may also like them.
Turning around in the dish
The second annoying performance is that it is not good to pick up the dish. Instead, use chopsticks to flip around in the dish to make the dish look good. The dishes made a mess.
If you don’t use public chopsticks, the chopsticks will inevitably be stained with saliva. In this way, turning around and shaking is equivalent to mixing your saliva into the dishes. How can it not make people sick? ?
Don’t hold the bowl with your hands
The third bad performance is that you don’t hold the bowl with your hands. I believe many people have been criticized by adults for doing this when they were young.
In China, it is a basic rule to hold a bowl while eating. If this is not done, it means that he must lack education and will be despised by others.
Knock the bowl with chopsticks
The fourth bad performance is to knock the bowl with chopsticks when eating, making a clanging sound, like a beggar.
This will make people at the table uncomfortable, because no one wants to eat at the same table with beggars, and the noise produced by knocking bowls will also affect people’s eating mood.
As long as your child has one of the above four manifestations, it will be regarded as uncultivated by others, especially the second one, which is the most offensive.
If the parents do not correct it in time, it will be difficult for the child to be successful when he grows up. Conversely, it can be said that the child who is promising will never have the above behavior at the dinner table.
Let the children raise Good dining etiquette is the responsibility of parents.
The elders can only start when they move their chopsticks.
Chinese tradition emphasizes respect and order, but now everyone is equal, but the younger generation is the most basic to the elders. The respect should be maintained, which is well reflected on the dining table.
A well-educated person who understands etiquette knows that he cannot easily move his chopsticks first. Only when the eldest person on the table with the highest seniority moves the chopsticks, other people can do it.
This rule, parents must teach their children, otherwise it will leave a bad impression on the elders.
Chopsticks should be placed on the side of the table, not on the bowl, let alone in the bowl
When the table is on the table before eating, the chopsticks should be placed flat on the side of the table, not on the bowl, let alone inserted. In the bowl.
Because putting it on a bowl is reminiscent of sacrificial offerings, it is unlucky, and inserting into a bowl is similar to the incense during sacrificial offerings, and naturally it is even more unlucky.
Let the child do this not out of superstition, but to allow him to better integrate into the society. After all, some conventional things in the culture should not be easily violated, otherwise they will be easily excluded. .
Pay attention to hygiene when eating.
Parents should remind children to wash their hands before eating. When eating, remind him to try not to grab it.
Of course, if the child is less than 5 years old, it’s okay to grab it with your hands. If you are over 5 years old, you should pay attention to it, otherwise it will be regarded as uneducated.
Furthermore, grabbing food is also an unsanitary performance, which can easily arouse the disgust of the diners at the table.
Dining etiquette is an important part of social etiquette, and it can even be said to be the most important part, because people can not cook other things, but they must not eat.
So parents must cultivate their children’s dining etiquette from an early age, so that they can develop good eating habits. For children’s bad behaviors at the dinner table, they should be stopped and corrected in time, so as to let the children Be more prosperous when you grow up.