Li Meijin’s children must be beaten when they should be beaten. Don’t feel bad when they make a mistake.
Nowadays, more parents are beginning to admire happy education, and at the same time they sneer at traditional beat and scolding education.
Even under the influence of this educational philosophy, even if the child makes a mistake, the parents will not move the child a finger.
Therefore, people see bear children more frequently in many public places, and parents who are reluctant to teach their children tolerate the “bad temper” of the little guys, and even take “the child is still young”. Reason to excuse the child.
Although the education method of beating and scolding children is a little rough, Professor Li Meijin said that children must be beaten if they should be beaten.
The child beat his mother in public on the street, and passers-by stepped forward to stop it, but the mother said that it’s not to blame the child.
There was such a video on the Internet that aroused heated discussion among netizens. In the video, a young boy punches and kicks a middle-aged woman, but the middle-aged woman just dodges and does not resist.
I saw the boy cursing while beating, “Who told you not to buy me a game console? Why are you so stingy? See if I won’t kill you today!”
It can be seen that the little boy With all his strength to beat this woman, passers-by really stopped it when they couldn’t see it.
But just as everyone pulled the little boy and the middle-aged woman apart, the middle-aged woman turned the little boy behind her back.
“Don’t blame the child for this. Don’t embarrass a child! He is my son. The child is ignorant. Don’t blame him!” The series of explanations by middle-aged women surprised passers-by.
No one thought that his own son could put such a heavy hand on his mother. Of course, what makes passers-by more puzzled is the mother who protects her son even if she is beaten.
Originally, passers-by wanted to accuse the boy a few words, but seeing the middle-aged woman “cares for the baby” makes it hard to say anything.
After the passers-by slowly dispersed, the middle-aged woman reluctantly took the child towards the game console shop. Obviously, in this mother-child dispute, the mother who loved the child finally lost the battle. .
Professor Li Meijin once mentioned in a lecture that in a person’s growth process, in addition to having love, he should also have respect and awe.
When children are in awe, they will be able to know fear and fear. And proper punishment is the basis for cultivating children’s awe.
So Professor Li Meijin also persuaded the parents to fight when their children should fight, and don’t indulge them because of temporary reluctance and distress.
lack of awe What negative effects will it have on the child’s growth?
1. Make children lack behavioral restraint
Children who lack awe are easy to be self-centered. In their world, they lack behavioral restraint, so while constantly indulging themselves, Children are easy to make mistakes.
There is no “punishment” that scares them in the eyes of children, which naturally makes them more lawless.
2. It’s not conducive to the cultivation of children’s sense of responsibility
When children do not have to pay for their actions after making mistakes, they will not have a sense of responsibility. know. Over time, the child’s sense of responsibility training will be affected.
When encountering problems, children habitually shirk their responsibilities, especially those who lack awe.
3. It is not conducive to the development of children’s awareness of rules.
In the process of children’s growth, the awareness of rules can allow their behavior to gain greater freedom within a controllable range.
But when children lack the awareness of rules and are accustomed to doing whatever they want, they will even more regard rules as nothing.
The purpose of beating and scolding children is to educate. How do parents “beat” children correctly?
1. Beating children is not to vent their emotions
In fact, many parents are easily led by their emotions in the process of beating their children, and the real educational impact is minimal.
When parents educate their children by beating and scolding, they must be clear about the purpose of education, that is, beating and scolding children is not to vent their emotions, but to make the children be punished for their mistakes.
2. The purpose of hitting the child is to let the child know the mistake.
After hitting the child, parents must pay attention to the child’s emotional comfort, and clearly and accurately point out the child’s mistake.
To let children understand that their parents beat them not because they hate or dislike them, but to make them accept the wrong punishment. The ultimate goal of parents beating their children is to help them know where they are wrong.
3. Master the scale and measure when hitting the child.
Parents also need to grasp the scale and measure when hitting the child. Getting heavier will hurt the child again.
Therefore, parents must respond flexibly in the grasp of scale and measure. Don’t let beating be a way for children to test their parents’ bottom line.
In fact, in the process of educating children, many parents are forced to take their hands on their children. At this time, parents must be clear about their original intention of educating their children.
Simply relying on beating and scolding cannot solve the problem fundamentally. Only by cultivating children’s awe can make children understand the rules better. Do you have any experience sharing on the skills of “beating children”? These “gifts” given by the elderly to their children seem to be full of love, but in fact they are full of harm.
In Chinese family culture, children are the core. Every elder in the family expects their children to grow up healthily and have a successful and happy life when they grow up.
Different from the generation of parents who can teach their children straightforwardly, many families have the phenomenon of “separate generations”. The way many older generations express their love for their children is to always follow the children and give them the best things.
Unfortunately, it is precisely because of these grandparents’ practices that many children who have lived with them for a long time have not grown up better. Instead, they have a lot of personality, social norms, and learning ability. And other aspects are getting worse and worse. This kind of irrational and blind spoiling, in the eyes of the elders, is the practice of’all for the good of the children’, and is to do the best to the children. But in fact, these gifts have become time bombs that undermine the development of children.
The last time I picked up my child and went home from school, I saw Lili and her grandfather from the same unit also happened to be back in the community. The old man took the child by the hand and carried a few kilograms of schoolbags to himself. On the other hand, he also hung the snacks and sports water bottles that he bought for the child along the way, but he did not allow his granddaughter who was in sixth grade to take it. any.
Walking, Lili’s grandfather tripped on a branch on the road and fell to the ground all of a sudden. Instead of helping the old man, Lili who walked aside laughed and said that her grandfather’s behavior of getting up and picking things up was’stupid’.
Is a child with such a personality really a healthy growth child? If it is not corrected in time, can you really have a successful and happy life as an adult? After thinking about it clearly, parents should understand that spoiling from elders is not a good thing for children.
The best gift for a child is not obedience, but rational love. Therefore, in daily education, we as parents need to do these three points
Parents’ beloved sons are planning for the long-term. The long-term idea here is not to use bottomless love for children to get lost in the swelling and unrealistic self-centeredness.
In some families, parents are too busy, so they entrust their children to their elders who dote on their children. As a result, the children in the family become the “boss” and do whatever they want, and they have not developed the ability to comply with the code of conduct. . Children who grow up in this kind of family education with no bottom line can easily apply this behavior pattern to society after adulthood, causing a series of problems.
In addition, some elderly people and parents have no sense of boundaries when they bring their children, so they will request and arrange their children completely according to their own wishes. Some things that you think are good, you have to buy them for your children, let them eat, wear, and use. As a result, they do bad things. In the end, both sides are in a bad mood. These will all have a negative impact on the child’s personality growth and should be avoided as much as possible in family education.
Don’t give your children a big deal. Encourage your children to do their own things.
Some elderly people feel that their children study hard, so it’s good to take over the things in life by themselves; there are also some parents It is a waste of time to dislike children for a long time to do small things, so they simply start to do things on their own… Regardless of the reason, this kind of large-scale package will damage the children’s normal opportunities, and seriously hinder the children’s ability. Personality and psychological development.
If a child lives in such a vacuum environment for a long time, he will feel that it is right for others to help him do things when he grows up. Such a child will not be grateful. If you really want to help your child, the elders at home can tell the child how to ask for help in time, and say thank you to others after getting help.
Love your children correctly, don’t replace company with substances
What is love? How do parents love their children? The famous psychologist Rogers once discussed this topic seriously, thinking that true love is a deep understanding and acceptance.
Being obedient to children is not love, because this approach does not respect the scientific laws of children’s natural development at all, and is imposed on children by adults according to their own fantasy of a’good life’.
In family education, as long as parents do not impose their will on their children and can truly accompany their children, they can help their children grow up healthily.
Raising a child is not easy. Since we are parents, we need to take on the responsibility of educating our children and not let the elders take over the children’s education excessively. This may not only cause behavioral problems for the children, but may also cause friction between the older generation and young parents. Especially the tension between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
In order to make yourself a little more relaxed, let the child be left to the elders for a long time, which will buy hidden dangers for the child and the family. Therefore, no matter how busy the work is, parents need to make time to get along with their children, educate and accompany them.