Is family relationship likely to affect children’s mental health? Try the “123” rule to solve educational problems
Recently, my friend couldn’t help complaining to me about the busy man at their house. He was busy with work every day and didn’t have time to accompany her, so forget it, but the child’s He did not participate in the parent meeting, homework counseling, and games at all. This made my friend feel very aggrieved. He can be sympathetic when he is busy at work, but the golden growth period of the child is only a few years, so he can’t spare more. Some time to accompany the children. My friend said directly that their family is a typical “widowed childcare”. Her husband is busy with work every day and hardly participates in any activities of the child.
Actually, every family has a problem According to the experience, different families will have different family relationships, and in this special environment of China, a family model-“widowed parenting” often appears. In this mode, there is often a situation where the father is working hard every day and has no time to accompany the children, and the burden of taking care of the children is all weighed on the mother.
It’s not uncommon for a parent like this to fail to take on the responsibilities of companionship that they should bear. Some families can improve this problem through communication, but some families can only stay in one place. This is a situation where the husband and wife do not communicate with each other.
For a family, the relationship between husband and wife is the core
Many parents think that the core of the family is the child, but in fact they all overlooked one thing, the relationship between the two parties is the real Harmony, because when the family was just established, it was established by the mutual trust and hard work of the husband and wife. It is like setting up a tent. The trust and cooperation between the husband and wife are like the blueprint for setting up the tent, which can guide the entire tent. The “order” of building.
There are two principles in the relationship between husband and wife
The principle of balance refers to the balance of the relationship between the husband and wife. If the relationship between the husband and wife is not harmonious, it will be like a heavy object on the balance. There will also be tilt and loss of balance.
In many cases, when the main relationship of the family is tilted, it is easy to have some situations. For example, both husband and wife try to get their children closer to themselves. This method will only make the children close. It is very difficult to be caught in the middle, and at the same time it may be staged in a bloody drama like a love triangle.
The reason why many families are still in a stable state after some conflicts and differences is because they are flexible, that is, they have the ability to adapt to certain situations. Such families generally have some comparisons. With a good interaction model, they know how to make rules that are recognized by family members, and then know how to adjust the atmosphere of the whole family.
You can try to mobilize the whole family to do some collective behaviors to increase the unity of the whole family
There is a book titled “The Magic of Arrangement of Hearts,” the organizer in it Many families go to assist them in organizing. According to the video recording, it can be found that in the process of organizing, the husband and wife after organizing will become more friendly towards each other, regaining their original feelings. In fact, it’s just like sorting out. For families with disagreements, what they need to do most is sort out the things that need attention and resolution in the entire relationship.
You can try to use the organization in this book It is also a good way to motivate the whole family to organize together.
In fact, whether one of the parents is negligent, does not give the child enough company, or the relationship between the parents is not harmonious, it is easy to bring some bad effects to the child.
For children, the objects they have most contact with are their parents, who have been living The environment that affects him the most is his family environment, and one of the effects brought about by the parental disharmony is that it will affect the child’s entire life environment, and children in such an environment may always hold each other. There is a trembling mentality. They are very afraid of making mistakes. They may not even understand the reasons for their parents’ quarrels. They may attribute all the reasons to their own way, which is actually affecting the children’s attitude towards themselves and others. Cognition.
Many families with unharmonious relationships, the most common situation is that both parents make a lot of noise in front of the child, without worrying about the child’s feelings. In fact, this kind of behavior can easily hurt the child’s intellectual psychology, because for children, both of us are people he values very much, and two people he values are staged every day in front of him, and we quarrel and fight. , Two people he values are hurting each other together. Such an experience will cause huge trauma to the child’s psychology, and he may not dare to believe others in the future. At the same time, it will also make children start to have a sense of fear of intimacy in such “fights” between parents again and again.
In fact, encountering problems is not terrible. The terrible thing is that some parents will take themselves busy or other reasons as an excuse not to accompany their children.
Nowadays, there are more and more people who have become famous in their mobile phones, and now there are many parents who have also become members of the people who are immersed in the world of mobile phones and cannot extricate themselves.
Some parents even teach their children to write When doing homework, let the child solve the problem by himself, and then play with the mobile phone by himself. The reputation is that the child can complete the homework independently for his own good. At the same time, he thinks that what he does is to accompany the child and accompany the child. I did it very well on this matter.
In fact, this kind of company is not company, at most it is sitting next to each other. Parents and children are like two parallel lines that do not cross each other. What is the meaning of this kind of company? ?
A true quality company should be to listen to the child’s voice seriously and to look forward to getting feedback from the child.
Sometimes it does not require parents to spend a lot of time to accompany their children, and high-quality company does not have much to do with the length of time.
What kind of companionship is considered high-quality?
In fact, the core meaning of this kind of companionship lies in the degree of parents’ care for their children, in other words, the degree of parents’ devotion to their children’s companionship.
can be given through the “123 rule” of Taiwan education To a quality company for children
The one in the 123 rule refers to once a day, the second refers to each time it takes 20 minutes to accompany the child, and the third refers to the parents choosing to do three together with the child. Any one of the things. These three things are to accompany the children to read together, play games together, and chat together.
Some parents may feel “surprised” when they see the time stipulated in this law. Is it enough to accompany their children for only 20 minutes? In fact, it is enough. Compared with the companionship of those parents who have no quality and just play with their mobile phones nearby, this 20 minutes of serious companionship and interaction is far more than the kind of parents who are “forced” to bind with their children for a long time. The effect is much better.
One thing is often overlooked by parents In fact, children don’t need to stay with their parents all the time. What they need is their parents’ attention, and this attention can actually be reflected in 20 minutes of interaction.
I don’t know if any parents have noticed a situation, that is, sometimes children will deliberately disobey and do “bad things” to irritate the parents, such as deliberately dangling speeches, suddenly shouting, in fact These weird behaviors of children are often used to attract the attention of parents. The words hidden behind these weird behaviors of children are actually “Look at me more and pay more attention to me.”
< p>But this matter is often ignored by parents. In fact, work is very important, and the company of children is also very important. What parents have to do is never to choose only one of the two, but to find a way to coordinate the two The relationship between.
In the course of life, both husband and wife Friction is normal, and family relationships can be improved by increasing parent-child activities with the whole family. At the same time, in addition to activities, we should also provide children with some quality companionship, which will also help children’s growth. “Stepmother-style parenting” is on the rise. The more parents are willing to let go in three aspects, the more independent their children will grow up.
Although the second-child policy has been opened up, most families are still a family with one child. Under such circumstances, Every little guy is naturally the baby held by the parent in the palm of his hand, so from the time the baby is born, the parent is ready to take it all.
As soon as the child learns to eat, the parents worry that the child will not have enough to eat, and automatically act as a feeding machine. When the child can wear clothes independently, the parent thinks that the child wears slowly and chooses Help your child get dressed to save time.
This kind of thoughtful mother makes people unable to fault, but also ignores the child’s self-growth.
Nowadays, a new type of “stepmother-style parenting” is emerging, and it has become the goal of the newly recruited mothers.
Facing the kindergarten manual work, the two mothers’ handling The way is not the same.
Xiao Sun and Xiao Li’s children go to the same kindergarten. Although they are in the same community, they don’t have too much intersection. They just say hello politely when picking up the children.
On this day, the teacher left another homework for the children, which made Xiao Sun a headache, because he was worried that the child could not do well. Starting from the child’s kindergarten, all the manual homework came from the child. made.
Finally finished the manual homework after being busy most of the night, and the child is already asleep, and puts his hands on work, only then did the little grandson get ready to wash and go to sleep.
On the other side, the little Li’s child clearly There is no such “happiness” anymore. Xiao Li has always encouraged Mingming to do his own things by himself. No matter how difficult the manual work is, it makes sense to complete it by himself.
Under the mother’s “stepmother-style” education, Mingming finished the manual work while yawning, and fell asleep contentedly.
Obviously, Xiao Sun is a “thinking and thoughtful” 100-cent mother who takes care of everything and provides a barrier-free environment for children to grow up.
And Xiao Li is a new mother of “stepmother-style parenting”, who advocates doing her own things, so that her children can grow up in a challenging environment. But in fact, Xiao Li’s kind of parenting method is emerging in the bao mother circle.
Compared with “packaged parenting”, “stepmother” “Parenting” is more focused on letting go.
In fact, “Arranged Parenting” considers everything and focuses on children, but ignores the importance of the setbacks experienced by children in their growth. If things go on like this, children have become excessive for their parents. , Unwilling to step out of your comfort zone, it is difficult to make achievements in other areas.
The gradually emerging “stepmother-style parenting” pays more attention to letting children experience setbacks on their own, or directly or indirectly guiding them to explore new areas, gain new abilities and new experiences, and this way is good for children. The growth is more favorable.
The more parents are willing to let go of these three aspects, the more children grow up The more independent you will be in the future
1) Let go of what your child can do
Parents must learn to let go of what the child can do, so that the child can develop a habit of independence and self-reliance. Experience the sense of accomplishment.
2) Be willing to make friends with children Let go
The problem of making friends is a child’s personal problem, and it can also test the child’s ability to distinguish right from wrong.
Parents should not participate in their children’s friendship issues because they are worried about their children making bad friends. They should give their children enough confidence and trust their children’s ability to distinguish right from wrong.
3) Be willing when the child encounters setbacks Let go
Parents are accustomed to helping their children solve frustrations when their children encounter setbacks. This is not only detrimental to the growth of the children, but also makes the children overly dependent on their parents.
In order for children to develop the habit of independence, parents must also learn to let go when children encounter setbacks. Only with the experience of challenging setbacks will they have the ability to resist pressure.