“I hate children more and more”, the parent-child relationship is gradually estranged, but the parents did not realize this
“I hate my children more and more”, when a female netizen said this sentence When I sighed, I immediately got a lot of praise from many female netizens who had already become mothers.
No girl netizens echoed, “I suddenly don’t love my child!” When the reasons are given, most of them are “it’s useless to hit”, “it’s useless to curse”, and “you’re not so good. As you enter, you feel angry when you look at it.”
“The father of the child does not participate in raising the child, and feels so tired” and so on. It is not difficult to see that under all kinds of pressure, the mothers who originally showed love for their children finally broke out!
Netizen Ms. Wang said that she and her 8-year-old son Liangliang have lost the intimacy they used to have in the past year. For example, every time Ms. Wang found out that Liangliang could not concentrate on homework, she was either in a daze or playing with stationery.
As soon as he criticized a few words, Liangliang started crying, and when Ms. Wang saw such a scene, she couldn’t help getting angry and scolded Liangliang even louder.
But no matter how she scolds Liangliang, he can still drag a job that can be completed in one hour until late at night. What made Ms. Wang even more angry was that her husband not only failed to discipline her son, but also criticized Ms. Wang for being impatient and gentle with Liangliang.
Even when her son did not understand and her husband did not participate, Ms. Wang now sees Liangliang, she has no motivation to educate, and she does not want to be patient to chat with him.
Of course, Ms. Wang said that she could also feel that Liangliang did not rely on her wholeheartedly in the past. Perhaps, like her, she was annoying and unable to part with her.
In psychoanalytic theory, there is a view that “relationship is everything, and everything is for relationship.”
In other words, when children and parents cannot establish In a good and close parent-child relationship, children cannot feel the love of their parents and cannot be convinced of their parents’ discipline.
The parents feel that their efforts and education are totally wasted, which not only produces parent-child conflicts, but also disgusts the children and their parents.
What is the parent-child relationship Will gradually become alienated, and produce feelings that are bothersome to the other party and can’t let go?
1. Parents are easy to get angry with their children
When faced with children’s mistakes, many parents are angry with their children the first time, and no matter what the occasion, or whether there are many outsiders present, Scold the child directly.
Such actions will undoubtedly make children feel embarrassed and impaired their self-esteem. Some children will be disgusted with their parents, and deliberately oppose their parents.
Parents are more angry because of their children’s rebellion, which exacerbates the conflicts between parents and children.
Parents’ behavior of getting angry regardless of the reason and occasion, regardless of the child’s self-esteem, will also affect the child’s character development, become grumpy, and lose his temper whenever he doesn’t like it.
2. The relationship between parents and children is too close.
Maybe many parents want to maintain a very close relationship with their children, to understand and control all things about their children, including life and thoughts.
This kind of behavior undoubtedly makes the child feel that there is no freedom and privacy, and then feel depressed. They just want to stay away from their parents and get their own solitary space and freedom.
Parents’ excessive interference with their children is one of the main reasons why children try to alienate their parents, and it is also a problem that parents do not realize.
As a child as an independent existence, his parents still have to give him enough freedom to make him feel that his life can be controlled by himself.
“I hit and beat, and the one who should be scolded was also scolded, but in the end it was useless”, “I am upset when I see the child now.” When the parent-child relationship begins to become alienated, it means that the education of the child has entered a dead end.
Parents should calmly reflect on their daily education and the way they get along with their children. Whether it is because of problems that have caused the relationship to get worse.
To solve the problem of educating children, we should start with repairing the parent-child relationship. Only in this way can the children be convinced of their parents’ teaching, and the parents can no longer be bored with their children because of their obedient and sensible children.
How to maintain good Parent-child relationship?
1. Both parents must be involved in raising their children.
Parents share the responsibility of raising children, which can maintain the balance and harmony of the family and make the couple more centripetal. It will not feel unfair because one party has paid too much and is too tired, and will cause negative emotions such as complaints.
Especially when the effort does not get the same return, that is, when the child does not meet their expectations, the emotions will easily collapse and family conflicts will arise.
2. Parents and children maintain proper boundaries
Everyone has their own personal space, and the same is true for children. Excessive interference by parents is a violation of the child’s personal space and makes the child want to escape from the parent.
If you want to maintain a good parent-child relationship, you should respect and give your children enough freedom and privacy, and don’t excessively interfere with your children’s thinking and life.
Jin Weichun, the founder of the well-known “Business Weekly” in Taiwan Province, once said, “If a child is willing to share everything with you and become what you want him to be, do you still need your discipline? If the child not only dislikes you, nor does it Do you think it is useful to become what you want?”
In other words, the problems between parents and children are not just problems with education methods, but parent-child relationships can often have an impact.
Whether the mother is bored with the child or the child is unwilling to obey the mother’s teaching, the increasingly distant parent-child relationship is the biggest problem.
Both parents are involved in education. Let go when it is time to let go. Don’t supervise the child too tightly. You may find that the child no longer likes to oppose the parent, and the parent and the child are closer to each other!
Have you ever been bored with children? What are your thoughts on parent-child relationship? Welcome to leave a message to share! Children have these three behaviors when eating. They are particularly annoying and hard to be successful when they grow up.
It is said that details determine success or failure. What is a person’s cultivation can actually be seen from the details of his daily life. Reflected in. These seemingly inconspicuous behaviors are the most true reflection of a person’s style of family education.
People who are well-educated have very good cultivation and make others feel comfortable in life. This way they can naturally make more friends, and the easier it is to get others in work, life and career s help.
Chinese culture pays attention to etiquette. Although some of the tedious rituals of ancient times are no longer in our daily life, there is still a etiquette that we meet every day and we need from time to time, that is, table etiquette. ‘. This kind of etiquette does not refer to the so-called’drinking table culture’, but is about how a person should take care of other people’s feelings through appropriate behaviors when having a meal with others, so that a meal can go on in a happy manner.
Don’t underestimate these details. As an important part of Chinese traditional culture, the quality of dining table etiquette can directly affect the public’s evaluation of a person. Therefore, in family education, we must not ignore this point.
I recently saw a video of a rural wedding banquet on Douyin. Because the photographer and his friends were late, they found a table and sat down. When the three children at that table were eating, they quarreled as they ate. The reason was that they robbed each other for good food and there was friction.
In the beginning, the photographer didn’t take it seriously, and the focus of the shooting was also on the performance of the wedding stage. But when the new dishes were served again, a child suddenly stood up and spit on the plate. After the vomiting, he saw others staring at him, and said with great pride, “Don’t want to eat these dishes. These dishes are all mine. Yes.” This disgusted the photographer, so he put his chopsticks directly and went to the child’s family to reason.
From the video, this child should have reached the age of primary school. At this time, if such behavior occurs again, it is really impossible to use’ignorance’ as a reason. The reason why he will behave like this now is that he usually has no rules when eating at his own home, or the rules at home are that all good dishes should belong to this child.
In the long run, when this child is having dinner with others, such an annoying behavior of the other person at the table will appear. Usually adults can’t even allow children to obey the rules on the dining table, so it’s not realistic to expect him to follow the rules in other aspects of life. Such children are naturally more likely to encounter obstacles when they grow up than children who understand the rules. many. Therefore, parents must pay attention to their children’s table manners. Once these three phenomena occur, they must promptly correct their children’s behavior.
1. Beating and playing with food when eating
Children are curious by nature. When some children see food that they have not seen before, or when the material of the food can be squeezed and deformed, they may fiddle with the food instead of directly eating it. Other children will make different sounds when they hear chopsticks hit different bowls, bowls, and plates. They will habitually use chopsticks to play because they find it interesting.
In traditional culture, these behaviors are manifestations of disrespect for food and disrespect for tablemates. Therefore, if you see a child behaving like this, the parent should correct it in time. You can tell the child that this is wrong, and then give the child a toy after meal as a reward to replace his behavior of playing with food.
Second, I like to monopolize what I like to eat, others can’t touch it
Some children are very domineering, because the family let him, the child will think that there is everything on the table The right to distribute things is yours. When you see the food you don’t like, you don’t even smell it, and when you see the food you like, the dish is his. If others eat too much, he will be unhappy and even move the plate to his place. Don’t let others touch it.
When such behavior occurs, parents must pay attention to correcting it. Otherwise, when the child grows up and others eat together, people around him will feel that the child’s behavior is impolite and uncultivated. Directly affect the child’s interpersonal communication.
3. Use chopsticks to pick and choose from the dishes when eating.
When attending a meal, you can see that some people habitually only pick up the dishes toward their side. On the one hand, they are accustomed to using public chopsticks; but some people habitually use their own chopsticks to pick and choose among all the dishes, turning over the contents, so that all the people at the table will lose their appetites and let the surrounding The evaluation of this person has also been lowered. These two completely different behaviors are actually habits cultivated in the family.
Children’s etiquette education is really important and has always been important to us. Parents who want to cultivate their children’s behavioral norms can find special targeted enlightenment books on the market, and take time to come home to guide their children to “obey” the rules of daily life. Only in this way can the child become an educated person who is respected and loved in society.