How two-child families “get along peacefully” depends on Dabao. It is no wonder that those eccentric families are at odds.
Although the birth population has been declining in recent years, the proportion of second-children is very high. Fetal families have gradually become mainstream in China.
Compared with one-child families, two-child families are more prone to conflicts, because in addition to parent-child conflicts, there is an additional layer of sibling conflicts.
I know a post-90s mother who is in this state at home. She now has two children, the oldest is a son, who is 6 years old this year, and the youngest is a daughter, who is 4 years old this year. The difference between the siblings is a little more than two years.
Both children are the dreams of many people, but this mother has only regrets now, because after giving birth to her daughter, there is almost no peace in the family. The imaginary siblings do not help each other, but quarrels have become the norm.
For example, once, Momma bought some strawberries and put them on the coffee table in the living room for two children to eat after washing. At the beginning, it was still harmonious, maybe it was because there were still a lot of strawberries.
After a while, seeing the strawberries almost bottomed out, the elder brother dragged the fruit basket to his side and used his arms to protect his sister from eating. My sister reached out to grab it, and started crying when she saw that she couldn’t get it.
Bao Ma saw all this in her eyes, so she severely criticized her son and forced him to take out strawberries to share with her sister.
However, the son was not convinced. He argued that he only ate a little bit of the cake last time, and gave the rest to his sister. This time he wanted to make up for it.
Bao Mom then remembered that two days ago, she actually asked her son to let her sister eat the cake. At that time, she thought that her brother wanted to let her sister, but she didn’t expect her son to write it down.
In her opinion, the two things have nothing to do with each other. How can she give her son an excuse, so she insisted on asking her son to take out the strawberries, but the son was so angry that he pushed Guolan and turned away. Entered the room.
This incident was later used by Bao’s mother as a reason for her son not to love his sister, but she did not realize that her partiality towards her daughter had seriously hurt her son’s heart.
As for the contradiction between the brothers and sisters, it has a lot to do with her mother. The parents have eccentric second-child families, so it is strange that they can be harmonious.
Parental eccentricity It is a big taboo for two-child families.
Every child has strong emotional needs
It is human instinct to be jealous, because emotionally, people always desire dissatisfaction and want more from each other. Caring and loving.
The same is true in the parent-child relationship. If parents are always partial to one of the second children, the remaining one will definitely be dissatisfied. This is determined by human instinct.
It’s meaningless to try to persuade a child who is indifferent with reasons such as “big and small”. The child does not understand this. The more parents do this, the more dissatisfied the child will be, and even produce The idea of ”Parents no longer love themselves”.
A bowl of water is a basic requirement for parents
As long as they are their own children, regardless of whether they are men or women, regardless of their size, they should be treated equally. This is the most basic requirement for parents.
When children come to the world, it is not their own choice but the choice of their parents. Since parents have made this choice, they naturally have to bear the corresponding responsibilities, that is, do their best to make the children’s future life Happier.
And partiality is equivalent to sacrificing the interests of one child to perfect another child. Isn’t it too cruel for the child who was sacrificed?
Many second-child parents admire those second-child families whose brothers, friends, brothers, sisters and sisters love each other. They don’t know that the reason why these families can live in peace depends on their parents’ correct attitude, especially towards Dabao. Attitude.
The harmony of the second-child family depends on Dabao.
When the second child is born, he should pay more emotional attention to Dabao
Many second-child parents feel that Dabao should let the second child. Although this is in line with the tradition of respecting the old and caring for the young, he did not realize that Dabao himself was a child, and he needed care and attention.
In fact, Dabao deserves more emotional attention than Erbao who was just born. After all, Erbao has no emotional needs. What he needs now is just to eat and sleep well.
So during the period after the first child was born, parents should not ask Dabao to let the second treasure. Instead, they should pay more attention to Dabao, especially emotional attention, so as to avoid Dabao felt neglected.
Lead Dabao to participate in the parenting of Erbao
Brotherhood needs to be cultivated, and the best guide is their parents. Parents should strive to be the glue between two children, not the fuse of conflict.
If you want two children to live in peace, the best way is to guide and encourage Dabao to participate in the care of Erbao.
For example, discuss with Dabao what to name your brother/sister, what clothes to buy, and so on. In this way, Dabao’s sense of responsibility can be cultivated, thereby inspiring his caring heart for his younger brother/sister.
As long as Dabao cares for Erbao enough, Erbao will naturally give back to Dabao when he grows up, thus forming a virtuous circle. The brotherhood between the two children will become more and more in the process. The more solid you come, the more harmonious your family will naturally become. In these easy things, be a “lazy parent”. The lazier the child, the more promising in the future.
Many parents feel that it is easy to help the child with some “smooth” things, and then let the child It’s too much trouble to do it, and it’s not easy for the child to do things, it’s better to do it yourself.
There are also some parents who believe that children’s time is precious and should be spent on learning. Doing these trivial things is a waste of children’s time. It is better to let children read more books if they have this time. , So he did the child’s thing smoothly.
In the long run, parents will find that there are more and more “tasks” that belong to them, and they have become more and more diligent. On the contrary, their children have become more and more lazy. Under the circumstances, the child will hardly be promising in the future.
1. Clean up the room
Many college students nowadays do not clean up their dormitories, because they do not have this awareness and do not have this habit. Since I was young, my parents are basically helping to clean up, where I used my own hands, so that I didn’t develop this habit.
Previously, I went to my friend’s house. Her daughter was in the second year of middle school. It was the weekend. Her daughter just wanted to borrow the weekend time to clean up the room, but was stopped by her mother. “Don’t clean up, you have Time to take out the homework quickly, or else just read the book, clean up the room and waste time, I will clean it up for you later.”
The child simply agreed and stopped cleaning the room. It is to take out the books to study honestly.
Be aware that this kind of parental behavior will only weaken the child’s ability to take care of himself, so as to affect the child’s independence and hands-on ability.
Nowadays children, if they can only read books, they will not be popular. After all, what society needs is comprehensive talents. Not only do children have good academic performance, but they also need to have various aspects. Abilities, including hands-on ability, self-care ability, independent ability and so on.
But if parents are too diligent in this aspect, then the possibility of children acquiring these abilities will become less and less, and it will be difficult for them to become prosperous in the future.
2. Let the children do their homework by themselves
When some children do their homework, their parents are always worried and must be supervised by the side. Not only that, there are even some parents who simply help their children calculate and do it. Because they think the quality of the homework done by the child is too bad, almost all wrong, it is better to accompany the child to calculate, but in the end, usually the answer is made by himself, and the child still does not grasp it.
“No, no, you didn’t do this, it should be counted like that.”
“This answer is wrong at first sight, it is equal to… you look at it again Is this the answer.”
“Why is this answer? The obvious answer is…do you understand it at all.”
“Look at it, mom teaches you how to do it.”
, Calculate this first, then calculate this, and then the answer is this, very simple.”
Many times parents don’t want to give their children the answer directly, but in the process of worrying, they accidentally Help the child figure out the answer, and when the child sees the correct answer, he just fills in the answer. If parents do not emphasize to their children, let the children check the calculations by themselves, the children will hardly check themselves, which invisibly hinders the children’s thinking development and logical calculation ability.
Therefore, parents should learn to let go, be “supervisors” rather than “helms”, let their children learn by themselves, and the best way is to check the homework after the children finish their homework , When the wrong question is found, the child will not tell the specific wrong question, but let the child find it by himself. This process is equivalent to letting the child do the homework again, which plays a consolidating role.
3. Let the children solve the problems that children can solve by themselves
I have seen too many parents. When the children are young, even when the children go to middle school and high school, many things are clearly things that children can solve by themselves. But children just don’t want to do it by themselves, the reason is nothing but laziness.
As parents spoil their children, they simply help the children to solve it, and they don’t think there is anything wrong with it. As everyone knows, in this process, the more spoiled the child, the more “waste”.
It is recommended that parents should try their best to solve the problems that children can solve by themselves, rather than let the parents solve them for them. This will not only hinder children’s progress, deprive them of opportunities for growth, but also cause children to breed The feeling of “take it for granted” later became a child who didn’t understand gratitude and filial piety.
Many times, being a “lazy parent” may not be a good thing. Of course, you must be lazy in appropriate things instead of choosing to “accompany your children”, “love your children”, and “caring for your children”. “Wait for laziness in these things.
Not only to be a “lazy parent”, but also to be a “smart lazy parent”. Only in this way will children become relatively diligent and will have a greater possibility of changing their interests in the future.