He insisted on giving birth to a second child, how is it now? Two people who came over told their personal experiences, one sad and one happy
Writer: Chen Fang
Editor: Liu Yizhi
Finalized: Su Zihou
As the problem of population aging becomes increasingly acute, second births have become the trend of the times. However, the public has different opinions on whether to give birth to a second child. Some families regretted having a second child, while others did not give birth to a second child in time. And regret it. For families facing second-child choice, you should know these points.
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I insisted on giving birth to a second child, how is it now?
People who come here tell their experiences, one sad and one happy–
A, Ms. Yu Wen (reunion comedy ending)
“The birth of a second child is My most correct choice, there is no one.”
At the beginning of the policy announcement, our family was a little hesitant, mainly because of fear that our son would be unhappy. But when he asked for his son’s opinion, he expressed his support, and in this way, our family ushered in a lovely second-born sister.
Different from the reckless ignorance of the first child, having a second child is obviously easier. During pregnancy, you don’t have to think about anything, and your family will arrange everything. After the child is born, you will also take care of your confinement wife. Postpartum repair, the whole process is not painful.
And, taking care of the child In terms of the problem, I only need to grasp the general direction by myself, and there will be parents-in-laws and husbands to help take care of the other parts. The son is also very happy for his sister’s arrival. The most thing after school every day is to be with his sister.
B, Ms. Zhang Yan (tragic ending)
“I paid for my compromise.”
Tell the truth , I didn’t have this plan when I opened up the second child, but my husband and mother-in-law wanted to have another child. After a dispute, I chose to compromise.
I basically spent the entire pregnancy by myself. During the confinement period, my mother-in-law took care of the child wholeheartedly, and basically had no time to take care of me, which caused me to fall ill.
What’s worse, my husband My salary is not enough to support the life of my family. I went back to work when I was out of confinement. I had to take care of my children every day after work. I had no time and space of my own. I became the face I was most afraid of-sloppy. , Busy, rough.
However, what makes my heartache the most is the eldest daughter’s accusations time and time again. She always tells me: “Mom, why do you all stop loving me anymore.” In just a few words, every word heart.
The status quo of second-child families
In fact, the above two families reflect the status quo of most second-child families. Some families have a better second child, while others , The second child only brings more troubles and troubles.
According to a questionnaire on “Do you want to have a second child”, 47% of men said they wanted it, while only 23% of women said they wanted it.
This This means that the majority of people who want to have a second child are men, while women’s desires will be lower. This is mainly because women tend to take on more tasks when it comes to giving birth to children. In comparison–
The part that men need to undertake: economic aspects and occasional care and companionship, some fathers even fundamentally Will not help take care of children.
The part that women need to bear: pregnancy in October, the pain of childbirth, breastfeeding, and various aspects of care. Nowadays, women are independent and even bear a large part of the financial burden.
In this case, many women will naturally have a kind of rejection.
And in our country According to the results of a sample survey of second-child families, 40% of families expressed regret, but most of them were men.
This means that many families have only a whim for the second child and do not have sufficient sense of responsibility. When facing responsibility, they will have regrets, which will affect the growth of their children. It is extremely unfavorable.
With these conditions, consider having a second child
This part of the factor cannot be ignored. The cost of raising a child is huge, and it needs to be spent A large amount of funds, if the strength in this area is not sufficient, it is bound to affect the harmony of the whole family and the healthy growth of children.
Therefore, when considering the second child, you should first consider whether this factor is qualified. If you already have sufficient economic strength, then you can consider other factors, otherwise you should make your choice carefully.
This factor is not only the sense of responsibility of both spouses, but also the families of both parties. Once you decide to want this child, you should take care of him, upbringing and nurturing him.
Many families will regret some problems in the process of raising children, and even ignore them, and eventually hurt their physical and mental health. This behavior is undesirable.
Before making a decision, you must have sufficient sense of responsibility and psychological preparation, otherwise you need to be cautious.
▲Consider the wishes of older children
The reason why some parents want to have a second child is to let their children accompany each other, but this is just their own thoughts and cannot be considered as a substitute for their children.
Therefore, the older child’s opinions should be solicited, based on his wishes. If the parents refuse to communicate, they can try to communicate. If there is really no way to persuade them, they should choose to respect his opinions. Parents must inform their children: several situations require Put away the kindness, or you may be hurt.
Your kindness must withstand the complexity of people’s hearts!
Finalized: Su Zihou
Being helpful is a traditional virtue of the Chinese nation. We have been loved by our parents and teachers since we were young. Education to be a kind-hearted child, but kindness must be moderate, otherwise some ill-intentioned people are likely to use the children’s innocent and kind nature to deceive and abduct, and in the end it is the baby who is injured.
< p>An organization conducted an experiment in which the staff disguised themselves as the elderly, pregnant women and other disadvantaged groups, and then selected children of all ages and chatted with them. After gaining trust, they pretended to be poor and asked for help. Nearly 80% of the children ended up being Choose to go with strangers.
Nowadays, the tactics of fraud are getting more and more severe. Some adults are still unable to distinguish, not to mention children who are not capable of distinguishing. They are likely to be fooled by strangers because of sympathy.
An adaptation based on real events The Korean movie “Sowon” has stirred up the hearts of many parents. On the way to school alone, the kind-hearted Sowon was asked for help by a drunken uncle and held an umbrella for him. As a result, Sowon was dragged to an abandoned factory. She suffered a sexual assault and had to use an artificial anus for her entire life. A girl who was only 8 years old suffered both baggage and physical damage, and the child’s parents had to endure pressure and indifference from all parts of the society. The final element of the film Yuan slowly walked out of the shadows. In the real case as a blueprint, the victim finally chose to commit suicide.
Suyuan just ate The loss of kindness, if she is educated not to help strange adults at will, perhaps tragedy will not happen. Educating children to be kind is right, but you must tell them that in the following situations, you must know how to refuse strictly.
There are several situations, Please put away your kindness.
1. Unfamiliar adult men seek help
Whether it is a little girl or an adult woman, do not help unfamiliar adult men easily, especially not with them Stay alone in a confined room, or in a sparsely populated place, such as a wilderness or a late-night alley. Anyone who is asked to lead the way will be rejected.
2. Call for help in critical situations
In the face of danger, as a child, it is impossible to rescue them anyway. Their participation will only increase the trouble. Under normal circumstances , The other party should call the police or seek help from other adults.
3. Bad things that touch the law
Some children are more loyal, or are threatened and asked for help by their peers. At this time, they must refuse strictly. Do not help if they violate ethics and violate the law, otherwise their own safety and interests Will be implicated. Kindness is a choice. We must use kindness in the right way and give it to the right person, or we will put ourselves in a dangerous situation.
4. Being busy beyond your own ability
Being helpful is a wonderful quality, but you must be within your own ability and busy beyond your own ability. Don’t For the sake of face, you will only wrong your kindness to do things that go against your will.
5. Those who don’t know how to be grateful Busy
If you give your kindness to someone who does not know how to be grateful, they will accept your contribution as it should be. If you help him ten times in a row, as long as you refuse once, you are in his eyes. It becomes a bad guy. In short, kindness should be given to people who know how to be grateful, otherwise your kindness is worthless in the eyes of others.
Goodness has always been a controversial topic. Some seemingly good things may turn into bad things due to the complexity and greed of human nature. Is it good for people to be bullied or good for others? What about the newspaper? The key is that we must know how to be aware of things, and before doing good, we must check clearly whether your kindness may bring bad consequences.
How to teach children kindness ?
Parents must give their children a kind education, but they must have a bottom line and limits, otherwise one is extremely kind and wrongs himself, the other is extremely cold-blooded and lacks sympathy. So what should the correct education be like?
1. Kindness comes from the heart
It is “hypocrisy” to help others in order to achieve their own interests. This kind of feeling is selfish and selfish, and wait until they are discovered. In true colors, there will be a feeling of “the wall is falling down and everyone is pushing.” The starting point of kindness should be the willingness to help from the heart without hurting oneself. The bottomless kindness is the “Mother”.
2, parents must be good Role model
If parents are only verbal education, children will still be confused in real life. Parents should not always be “good old people” in normal life, and politely refuse others’ rude requests, and teach children to distinguish others In addition, don’t have self-righteous kindness. If you impose your own thoughts on others, you may confuse them.