Educating children just want to yell? It’s better to try the “4C rule”. The prerequisite for education is to be able to communicate.
You may find that no matter how good your temper is, as long as you have a child, he will gradually become irritable. The child felt relieved after shouting several times. But this is not all to blame the parents, no matter who repeats the same thing countless times, finds that the child still does not have a long memory, and he will lose control of his emotions.
Especially nowadays parents have to help their children with homework after work. Every time they see their children make mistakes repeatedly on those simple questions, parents will inevitably want to have a Hedong Lion Roar, ask Ask the child why he can’t remember such a simple thing.
Often parents will They feel a little guilty, because they know their children will be hurt like this, but when things come, they can’t control their temper.
The outcome of roaring parenting is that both loser
damage the child’s brain structure
A study by a professor of psychiatry in the United States found that children who have been subjected to parental language violence have their brain tissues Suffer serious injury.
Because language violence will affect the contact between the Wernicke area and the prefrontal lobe of the child’s brain gradually decreases, and these two areas control the child’s language.
Long-term violence against children can lead to The child’s language ability is stagnant. In severe cases, it may cause the hippocampus to become smaller and smaller, so that the child’s memory ability will gradually decline.
The child is more rebellious
If the child makes a mistake every time, the parent must use the method of yelling to make the child obedient, then after a long time, the child will inevitably have dissatisfaction and complaints, etc. After they have enough self-awareness, these dissatisfaction will turn into rebellion.
That’s why many parents think After the child reaches puberty, he suddenly becomes more and more rebellious, and he doesn’t listen to anything he says. This is mainly because the parents did not have enough patience and tolerance for the child before, so that the child used this extreme way to fight against the parent.
Parent-child relationship is strained
Every parent has certain expectations for their children. When they find that their children are not as good as they imagined, they will naturally feel disappointed. At the beginning, children always depend on their parents. They encounter difficulties and setbacks and always want their parents’ help.
If every time they ask their parents for help They all run into a wall, and they get scolded by their parents instead of help, and they will gradually alienate their parents.
What is the 4C rule?
The 4C rule is not difficult to understand. Its content is four words starting with “C”: communication, choices, consequences, and connection.
Communication (communication) is to require parents to maintain a calm mind when communicating with their children, and not to let their own emotional fluctuations hurt their children. Compared with those Intense language and encouraging language can give children more motivation to move forward.
choices are to require parents to give their children the right to choose, and don’t force their children to listen to themselves in everything, so unilateral oppression will bring about Huge pressure will also make children feel bound by their parents.
Consequences (results) are to ask parents to use a more sensible way to let their children know the consequences that they are about to bear. For example, after a child makes a mistake, the parent blindly scolds and Don’t let the children feel that they are wrong, parents can only guide slowly, let the children understand what the consequences of their mistakes will lead to.
connection means asking parents to understand the true meaning of educating their children. It is to connect themselves with their children’s feelings. Parents must let their children feel their own To love, you must also make sure that you can feel your child’s emotions. This kind of parent-child relationship is healthy.
How can parents use the 4C rule to create a win-win situation?
Master the correct way of communication
The so-called communication of most parents now is to stand at a higher position than the child to judge what the child does. When the child has different opinions, Parents will only refute blindly, without considering whether the child’s idea is right or wrong.
The correct way of communication requires parents to put their children in an equal position with themselves, not blindly asking children what to do, and learn to listen to their children’s thoughts and feelings.
Such communication allows children to feel the respect of their parents, and also allows children to open their hearts to speak out their inner voice.
Give children certain choices
Many parents feel that their children are still young, so they decide everything for the children, but this is very unfair to the children.
If it’s something trivial, parents can give their children the right to choose and let them choose the way they like to accomplish these things.
If there are some particularly important things, parents should also communicate with their children in advance if they are afraid of their children making mistakes, so that the children can understand why they make this choice.
Let the child bear the result
The purpose of education is to make children a better person. In this process, what parents should do is to make their children better than themselves in the past.
Routing education is not good. After the special 4C rule education, the children must bear the results themselves. Parents must let the children face the problems themselves, instead of scaring the children with violence, and then come forward to solve them by themselves.
Tell your children that you will always love your children
The correct education makes the parent-child relationship more harmonious. After the education is over, you must have emotional communication with your child. You can use encouragement to praise your child’s ability to deal with problems, and you can comfort your child with your own hug, so that your child can get peace and happiness.
Be sure to give the child positive feedback, so that the child is full of confidence and strength, so that the child will have a better ability to deal with problems in the future. Mothers with these 4 “bad habits” tend to be better children when they are educated.
Every mother wants to be a perfect mother, so from the moment a baby falls to the ground, Bao The mothers focused on their children’s education.
From small to basic clothing, food, housing and transportation, to which school to take up what class, and everything about the children in the family, Bao’s mother must be meticulous, and think that this will make the child better.
But there is always a certain difference between reality and imagination. We will find that the result of too much detail is usually that the child becomes more and more rebellious, and Bao’s mother’s patience is also a little bit in the process. A little bit was worn away.
But there are some moms who are smarter However, they don’t put all their attention on their children, and the way they get along with them is childish. But what makes people surprised is that the children brought out by such a mother are very good, which makes people want to ask, why on earth?
A good mother is actually enough to reach “60 points”.
Ms. Wang often takes her children for walks in the community, and also makes many neighbors who are also mothers. In order to make it easier to walk the baby, they A Baoma group was also established.
However, Ms. Wang discovered that there is a treasure among them Mom often complains in the group, and the phrase “it’s so hard to be a mother” is her mantra. If you think about it carefully, the mother did everything she could when she brought her baby. For example, when she walked her baby every day, she would always carry a bag that was a lap bigger than others. There are everything in the bag, from the baby’s nail clippers to the big diapers, as long as the child can use it, she will carry it with her.
Under the meticulous care of this mother, her children have not become well-behaved and sensible, but have developed many bad habits. As a result, the mother was complaining in the group all day long.
But one day, this mother’s negative emotions suddenly disappeared, and she never complained.
Driven by curiosity, Xiao Li chats privately It turned out that she had done self-reflection for a long time and learned from the experienced mother, only to realize that her previous practice was spoiling for the child.
Being a qualified mother does not need everything to be perfect. You must leave room for your child to grow up, and that is the mother that the child needs most. On the contrary, the mother who is too perfect can really treat the child. The growth is not helpful.
A mother who is too perfect will limit the growth of her child.
Psychologist Li Zixun once put forward the idea that “Imperfect mothers are good mothers”. Because in his opinion, the more mothers do, the more children lose.
Because in general, perfect mothers have strong willpower, for children, such “superhuman” mothers will bring pressure to children.
For the perfect mother, they will Take care of everything for the child, they will cover all risks for the child, no matter how big or small, they will even get involved in the child’s hobbies.
Such mothers look perfect, but they are not the mothers children want most. Their forced love will make their children lose a lot of life experience, hinder their personalized development, and also make children The loss of room for growth may even affect their ability to take care of themselves.
So for the growing children, they are more eager for less perfect mothers, and the children educated by these “bad habits” mothers will tend to be better in the future.
Moms who have these 4 “bad habits”, and the children brought out, tend to be more prosperous when they grow up.
Moms with strong curiosity and want to try everything
Curiosity is not the children’s patent, mothers with more curiosity will also bring a lot of joy to the children.
Curious mothers will take the child to go Exploring the world, and exploring novel things with mothers is undoubtedly a novel experience for children.
And in the whole process of exploration, it will not only promote the child’s brain development, but also make the child more courageous.
Mother with immature mentality
The performance of immature mentality does not mean “low emotional intelligence”, but can be understood as a state of childlike innocence.
Such mothers are in the process of getting along with their children Stand more from the perspective of the child, approach the child, and face things together with the child, so getting along with the child will make the child feel more happy and help build the child’s self-confidence.
The “60-minute mother” who dares to let go
Let go when it is time to let go, and give up the way of doing everything, the child’s growth experience is very important.
Parents nowadays always underestimate their children’s ability, fearing that their children will not have enough to eat, and worry that their children are afraid to sleep in separate rooms. As everyone knows, for a child, he wants to try every new skill.
Experienced the process of never coming to the meeting , Is the growth process that children should unlock themselves, so this kind of careless, bold, and dare to let go of the mother is more conducive to the child’s own growth.
Mother with a big heart and don’t know how to be anxious
Every child’s growth stage has a corresponding natural law, so for the child’s growth, Bao’s mother does not have to show To be too anxious, this will put more pressure on the child.
Take advantage of the trend so that the children can go by themselves Experience and understand the growing landscape, so that they have a bigger stage to develop themselves.