Educate children to learn to grasp the core, remember “no matter what, three are not used to”, there should be no misunderstandings in educating children
Many parents have many misunderstandings when educating their children, and using the wrong methods makes parents unable to truly educate. Children, children can’t listen. Even in life, we will find that many parents do not have the awareness of educating their children. Now many parents dote on their children and think that education is part of the school’s work, but they don’t know that the lack of education from their parents will only bring a lot of bad things to their lives. influences. Professor Li Wenjin, a well-known parenting expert, once said that Chinese parents always let go of their children’s age regardless of whether they should or not, they must be in charge of their children.
Use wrong Ways to educate children will not only prevent them from becoming talents, but will also make them complain about you in the future.
Fangfang is the only child in the family. Fangfang’s mother attaches great importance to the education of her children, especially her children’s learning and education. But Fangfang’s mother always uses the wrong method, which makes Fangfang a cheerful little girl turned into a talkative and very low self-esteem.
It turns out that during Fangfang’s growth, Fangfang’s mother enrolled Fangfang for various classes in order to prevent her children from losing on the starting line. What interest classes did other parents enroll for their children? , Fangfang’s mother reported to Fangfang, which made Fangfang a little overwhelmed in school.
Moreover, Fangfang’s mother actually used a counterproductive method in order to inspire Fangfang, that is, Fangfang’s mother likes to suppress Fangfang in her life. In order to arouse Fangfang’s fighting spirit, Fangfang’s mother often suppresses her with words.
Whenever Fangfang got a very good grade in the exam, Fangfang’s mother would tell Fangfang to prevent her children from being proud, what is there to be happy about, other children are smarter than you , Working harder can catch you up. The pressure Fangfang’s mother brought to Fangfang was unbearable for Fangfang. In the end, a serious problem broke out in Fangfang’s heart. For a long time, Fangfang experienced insomnia, which seriously affected Fang. Fang’s daily life, and Fangfang no longer has the same smile as before.
Parents in education When a child, what effect will the wrong method have on the child?
1. It has a counterproductive effect on children
Many times when parents educate their children, they will think that the educational method they have come up with is the best for their children, but the facts may be contrary to what you think . If you use the wrong method of education for your child, it will have counterproductive effects. Maybe you think this is good for your child, but you haven’t put yourself in your place and thought about it for your child, just like Fangfang’s mother mentioned above. There are many cram schools, which she thinks is good for the children. But in fact, it can only increase the pressure on children to study. Not only can it not make children truly fall in love with learning, but it will make children hate learning.
2. Seriously affect the parent-child relationship
When parents use the wrong education method, the parent-child relationship will deteriorate. This kind of wrong education method cannot be forgiven and understood by children. They only feel that their parents are too harsh on themselves and do not understand why their parents should do this. The wrong method of education will only create a gap between parents and children.
3. Can’t bring real benefits to children’s lives
People say that it is easy to have children and it is difficult to raise children. Although many parents want to educate their children well, they always lack patience. A good education method can bring real benefits to children’s life. On the other hand, some parents always remember that one thing is one thing, and educate their children casually. It depends on their own mood, and when they are in a good mood, they can reason with their children patiently. If you are in a bad mood, you will punch and kick your child. How can such a casual education method bring benefits to the child’s life?
Educate children to remember that they are not used to two things, and only by grasping the core can they be effective. Which of the two does not matter?
1. Parents don’t care about things that children can do independently.
There are countless parents who dote on their children. When the children are young, parents feel that they can pamper their children unscrupulously and wait until the children grow up. He can do great things, but in fact, when the child is still young, the parents do not strengthen the discipline. The reality will tell us that when the child grows up, it is useless to discipline the child at this time. Therefore, when the child is still young, parents should not spoil the child too much, and let the child complete what he can do independently. For some small things in the child’s life, parents should let go, and don’t let themselves be the child’s nanny.
2. Children can make decisions for themselves, parents don’t care
How many parents now control their children’s thoughts and lives under the banner of being good for their children, and some children can’t even dress according to their own preferences. This is because parents’ thoughts have covered all aspects of their children’s lives, and every little thing that happens around children requires parents to make a decision, so that children not only cannot be independent, but also unable to have a sound mind, so parents try to let their children decide themselves. Don’t worry too much about this.
What are the three unaccustomed to?
1. Children’s lazy character can’t get used to it
Nowadays, many parents pay much attention to their children’s learning and education. When their children are lazy and don’t want to learn, the parents will be very anxious. In fact, think about it all. Because when children are lazy when they are young, parents get used to it again and again. So when the child is young, no matter what they are doing, and when the child is lazy, parents should not be used to the child.
2. Children’s needs can’t be accustomed to
Parents have the obligation to bear and raise children, so in the eyes of parents, children can naturally live a life of clothes and food to open their mouths. But this does not mean that parents have to meet all the children’s needs. This will only encourage children’s arrogance. Many children become greedy and vain. This is because parents unreservedly meet their children’s needs when they are young, and treat their children. ‘S appetite is getting bigger.
3. Children’s emotions can’t be used to it.
Every adult knows how important it is to control emotions. This is a basic rule for our survival in society. Only with good control ability can you gain a foothold in society. After all, no one will look at your face when you are out of the house. However, nowadays, some children complain to their parents when they encounter unhappy things, and parents always accommodate their children’s emotions. In life, we often see children of two or three years old. The first reaction of parents when they cry and make trouble is to make the children happy. In fact, the best way to deal with children’s emotional problems is to understand the reasons for their emotional changes. Talk to him again.
Educating children is not accomplished overnight. We are not only facing a child with inexperience in life and society, but also a thoughtful person. Parenting experts have said that the best way to educate is not to restrict a child’s behavior with rules, but to thoroughly influence the child’s thoughts so that he is willing to follow in the footsteps of his parents to the right path. It is really difficult and difficult to educate children to become talents. Finally, do you have any other suggestions about good ways to educate children? Please leave a message in the comment area. Parents’ desire to control is the culprit that stifles the “development” of their children’s personality. It’s important to correct them in time.
For Chinese parents, they place great importance on the education of their offspring. It may be because they pay too much attention to it, which leads to many Chinese parents have a particularly strong desire to control their children. In life, we often see parents who put all their hopes in life on their children, and blindly interfere with and control their children’s lives, resulting in their children being unable to form a sound personality in the future.
I believe everyone was shocked by this news some time ago. The news that a female lawyer was killed at home by her 15-year-old daughter shocked and distressed many people. According to our understanding, we will find that this 15-year-old daughter has been under the control and influence of her mother for a long time, which has caused great psychological problems and also has a certain tendency to depression.
When the police discovered that the female lawyer was strangled to death by her daughter at home, her daughter only said lightly that her mother was strangled to death by me.
Many friends said that it is difficult to understand the child’s actions, because people think that the relationship between the child and the mother is the closest in the world, why this 15-year-old girl would Strangled his mother? This is because during her growth, her mother pinned all her hopes on her, which caused great mental pressure to her, and she also interfered in all aspects of her life in all aspects. This girl once said to her. A classmate described her mother. She said that my mother was too perverted, and I felt almost out of breath. It can be seen that the desire for control from the parents will bring the child to the edge of collapse.
What are the bad effects of parents’ excessive control?
1. Children and their parents can’t be in touch with each other, resulting in a great distance.
What is needed in the child’s growth process is the care and attention from the parents, but it also needs their own growth space. If the parent pays too much attention to the child’s behavior in the child’s growth process, it will As a result, parents will have a strong desire to control their children. This desire will cause the child’s psychological development to be hindered, and it will also affect the establishment of a healthy parent-child relationship between parents and children. Parents with strong desire for control are for children. It is an extremely broken thing.
2. Affect the child’s psychological development and appear personality defects.
A well-known French psychologist once said that when a child is growing up under too much control from his parents, he will not be able to have a sound character and will eventually lead to spiritual death. In the above-mentioned deed, the 15-year-old daughter actually killed her mother. This is because the mother gave her too much control, which made her young mentality unbearable. In the end, this contradictory mentality made her do it. There is such a thing. It can be seen that excessive desire for control will only lead to the gradual stop of the “development” of the personality of the child during the growth process, resulting in personality defects, and ultimately a devastating psychological barrier.
3. Bring great mental pressure to the child, and depression.
In the process of their children’s growth, many parents often force their children to do things their parents like and are interested in their children Ignore things, and also give children high expectations in their children’s studies. For example, some parents will impose on their children their desire to test which school they want to take, hoping that their children can fulfill this wish for themselves. It brings great mental pressure to children. Many children suffer from depression because they bear too much expectations from their parents. An educator in China said that controlling children’s growth with strict expectations will eventually play a counterproductive role in encouraging growth.
So why do parents have so much control over their children?
1. Place too much expectation on the child.
Many people say that the growth process of Chinese children is the most painful and tiring, because in this process, they are given extremely high expectations, especially in their studies. I believe everyone has the impression, especially for children in rural areas, whether they can be admitted to university is not his personal business, but the family’s business. I believe everyone has heard of this. If a child is admitted to a good university, it means that the whole family can follow him to get ahead. Such words have brought great mental pressure to the child. For him academically, he has been placed too many expectations that do not belong to him.
2. Treat children as their own possessions.
I believe that a large number of parents especially like to help their children make decisions during the growth of their children, and let their children do things they don’t like to do, and the name is for the good of the children. When the children refute, these parents will say that I gave birth to you and that you are my child. Because these parents feel that their children are their own possessions, and they have the right to decide anything about them, it is because such parents stifle the growth and development of a large part of their children.
3. There is no focus in life.
I believe everyone can find that parents now seem to be living for their children for the rest of their lives. This will lead to giving children too much attention and unnecessary care and protection. This is because these parents do not have their own focus in life. According to a survey, 80% of parents who like to control their children live Most of them are extremely boring and unpleasant. When they lose their focus and the right to speak in their lives, they will focus on children who are easy to control. At this time, controlling children is just to prove that their lives are not boring.
How do parents adjust the educational balance with their children?
1. Learn to let go properly when the child is still young.
Although many parents are now aware of the need to cultivate their children’s independence, they still cannot help taking care of everything they encounter when they grow up. This will cause their children to become the most disgusting moms and girls in the blind date market in the future. Therefore, when a child is young, he should learn to let him go. For example, when the child is in kindergarten, he exercises the child to eat, brush his teeth, and wash his face alone. When the child is in elementary school, he can exercise him to go to and from school alone.
2. Understand that the child is an independent person and respect him.
As parents, when they see their children encounter difficulties and frustrations, they always want to help them solve them, or even replace them and make decisions for him, but everyone must understand that even if the child is young He is also an independent person. When facing his own problems, he must respect his decision, consider his opinions, and don’t ignore his feelings in everything.
3. Establish a healthy parent-child relationship with the child.
What healthy parent-child relationship? A healthy parent-child relationship refers to the intimate and independent relationship between parents and children. Sometimes parents regard their children’s attachment to themselves as a kind of love for themselves, or their desire to control their children as a kind of love for their children. In fact, these two kinds of love are very abnormal and unhealthy. When getting along with children, we must always be wary of ourselves not to let our own thoughts interfere with the children too much. We are the ones who educate him, not the ones who brainwash him.
Every parent is very afraid that their children will encounter one or another problem when they grow up. In fact, sometimes the biggest problem the child encounters is the parent’s desire to control. In fact, sometimes learning to let go of children appropriately is also a kind of love from parents.