Children’s learned love comes from the love between their parents. The family’s influence will be lasting and far-reaching.
Huihui and Qingqing are good friends. They live in the same community and often go to school together. Although the two are often together, their temperaments are very different.
Huihui’s parents are both teachers. They pay more attention to the education of their children, and Huihui’s parents know what kind of influence the original family will bring to their children, so the two pay special attention to the atmosphere between the family.
Huihui’s father is very gentle and knows how to respect her mother. In Huihui’s memory, her father has never had a dispute with her mother. Both of them are good to discuss anything, and during the Chinese New Year, father will specially prepare various surprises for her mother. They are also respectful as guests, and the family lives in a warm and harmonious life.
Under the influence of her parents, Huihui’s personality is also very easy-going and considerate. And Huihui also likes to make friends and has a wider social circle.
Qingqing and Huihui are not quite the same. Qingqing is an eloquent type who likes to be rational and unforgiving, and Qingqing especially likes to be competitive.
Qingqing’s parents are employees of ordinary companies. Normally, her parents leave early and return late for work. The family rarely has the chance to meet together, and the chance to eat together is even rarer.
Qingqing usually decides everything on her own, and most parents don’t take care of her. In the past, Qingqing also expected her parents to spend time with her, but gradually Qingqing got used to this mode of getting along with her parents and felt that sometimes she was also quite good, so it is understandable that Qingqing has become the character she is now.
Actually, according to the performance of Huihui and Qingqing, it has a lot to do with the family environment. Simply put, the reason why children have this behavior is learned from their parents. There is a word I don’t know if you have heard of it-learned love.
What is Xi What about sexual love?
Simply speaking, learned love is what children learn in daily life.
Huihui’s parents usually get along with each other in a warm and harmonious manner. Her father loves her mother, so what Huihui learns from her parents in such a family environment is a loving family.
Qingqing’s parents usually don’t have time to accompany her, and there is a lack of communication and interaction between her parents, and she cannot get the care of her parents. Therefore, what Qingqing learned in such a family environment is a home without love.
So when their children show various bad habits and behaviors, parents should not blindly blame the children, the root is not in the children, because the children’s learned love comes from the parents , The family environment provided by parents to children has a lasting and far-reaching impact on children.
Between parents What impact does your love have on children?
1. Children’s personalities are more open-minded
In a family, fathers take care of their mothers. The family atmosphere is always full of joy and joy. Children who grow up in such a family environment are also quite open-minded. Because they know that no matter what they encounter, they will have their family members by their side. The mutual love and understanding of their families is their strongest backing.
2. Children’s feelings are more abundant
In a family, fathers and mothers pay special attention to the sense of ceremony, and sometimes fathers bring their children together to prepare surprises for their mothers. In the warm moments of the witness, you can also feel the flow of emotions between father and mother. Children who grow up in such an atmosphere will have relatively richer feelings, know how to love and be loved, and know how to be grateful.
3. Children are richer in heart
If father and mother know how to express love and share love, children will be richer in heart, because people who are nourished by love will have more power in their hearts. Some fathers and mothers feel embarrassed to show their affection in front of their children, but it is not necessary at all. Sometimes the proper affection of parents in front of their children can make the children feel happy. Because mom and dad being together is the best love for their children.
4. Children behave more bravely
Dad loves mother. Dad always keeps in front of anything. Dad always feels brave for children. Often influenced by their parents, children’s behavior will be more courageous. Children dare to face things directly and are not easy to back down, because whenever children encounter difficulties, children think of their father’s figure, and father’s role model has always encouraged themselves. .
5. Children’s goals are clearer
Children who grow up in a loving family environment are more determined in their hearts and their goals in life are also clearer. Because the environment provided by parents to their children since childhood is warm and loving, children are relatively independent in their behavior and personality under the love of parents, and they have their own opinions when encountering things, and there is no need for parents to worry too much.
So when children encounter problems when they grow up, parents always like to stay close and seek further, and even only know to seek outside. Finally, after trying for a long time, the child may have temporary changes, but it is all about treating the symptoms and not the root cause. If parents want their children to change from the ground up, they must also seek inwardly. Children’s problems are parents’ problems. If parents can change, children will naturally change with them. Everyone praises the “filial piety” to the elderly in this name. Only the elderly know that they are cold and heartbroken.
In this era, it seems that the word filial piety has changed its meaning, at least for some young people. So, why do you say that?
An aunt who lives at my opposite door usually lives with her wife. For a long time, I haven’t seen her daughter visit her until one day, the opposite door suddenly became lively. , Especially the noise of children.
Later, when I was chatting with my aunt, I learned that my daughter had brought her two children over and brought her. At first, the aunt was very happy. After all, many people like to have children and grandchildren in their old age. If you can accompany yourself, that would be great.
But after three months, the aunt looked less energetic, even she herself said she was too tired. Once the aunt even said that her daughter would stay at her house at first to help see the child, but now almost always leave after sending the child over, which is really a headache.
Sometimes I will take them home to sleep at night, but sometimes I put my child in my grandma’s house to sleep. The aunt’s wife is not so good at first, so the aunt usually takes care of the children.
Therefore, she became an aunt taking care of three people, a wife and two children. Sometimes the daughter came over and she was also responsible for taking care of her daily life.
But the daughter also knew that it was not easy for her parents, so she brought supplements from time to time. The neighbors saw that they all praised her for her sensibility and filial piety. It is really worth raising such a daughter.
But recently, my aunt fell ill. The doctor said that she was too tired and didn’t get a good rest. Only then did her daughter realize that her mother was exhausted from taking care of the child, and she really shouldn’t do this.
You see, everyone praises the aunt’s daughter for being good, sensible, and filial. Whether in front of the aunt or when the aunt is not present, he will praise her daughter, but only the aunt knows this kind of filial piety. It’s not true filial piety.
In fact, many young people are like this now. Some may be unintentional, but some do intend to leave their children to their elders in the name of visiting their parents. But have you ever thought about it, the elderly? Are you really willing?
is putting the child Before bringing them to the elders, consider these questions.
1. Will the elderly be willing?
Some young people don’t care whether their parents are willing to take care of their children. Some even think that parents should help with their children. This is a matter of course. I don’t know where the idea came from.
Some elderly people have the ideal old age life they want and do not want to be disturbed by their children, especially in today’s more and more open-minded, they prefer children to visit them once a week instead of every day All come, otherwise it will become a burden.
Therefore, young people need to discuss with the elderly whether they are willing to help take care of their children. Some elderly people are too embarrassed to reject their children and have to bite the bullet and accept, but it is best to make both parties unhappy. This is also difficult to end.
2. What is the physical condition of the elderly?
Some elderly people are willing to help with their children, but their physical condition is not suitable for bringing children. After all, the children have more energy and like to run and jump around. If the body is inconvenient, it will definitely not be able to keep up with them. If you forcibly cooperate with the children’s activities, it will only bring down their bodies.
Therefore, if the elderly are physically inconvenient, even if they are willing to help with the children, I personally do not recommend young people to give their children to their parents, so that they can enjoy their old age instead of having to bother you in their old age. Child.
3. Does the child have the will?
Some parents only consider the problems of the elderly, and simply ask the children’s ideas, as long as they are convenient for themselves. In fact, some children would rather stay at home alone than follow their parents to their grandparents’ or grandparents’ homes.
On the one hand, they don’t know how to communicate with the elderly, and they feel very boring, and some children even reject them. For these children, parents have to think of another way.
Maybe some young people feel that they often take their children to see the elderly as filial piety. In fact, when you arrive at your parents’ house, you basically hold your mobile phone in your hand, and sometimes the children are always taken by the elderly. To take care of it and cook is also done by the elderly. Is this really “filial piety”?
There are also some young people who are really under the pressure of life. After all, they want to take on a family. Both husband and wife have to go out to make money, and it is impossible to spend extra money to hire a nanny to take care of the children. , Had to let the parents help take care of the children.
Indeed, many problems are not so qualitative. In the final analysis, it is necessary to analyze the specific situation and make comprehensive judgments based on the thoughts of the elderly, family conditions, and the young people’s own thoughts.
But in essence, you should still follow the principle of “filial piety” under the current conditions. You can’t just do it on the surface. You need to make the elderly feel really warm to show that you are in your position.