Children who always talk back will be far better than those “good children” in the future.
Children who love to talk back will not please adults, because adults like obedient children. Therefore, every time a child talks back, his parents will fight back more strongly, even violent acts such as corporal punishment. But is it really a child’s fault to talk back?
I’m afraid it’s not necessarily, because studies have shown that children who always talk back have advantages in some aspects, especially in terms of independence, far better than so-called “good children.”
The cousin’s family has two sons, the oldest is 7 years old and the youngest is 5 years old. Of the two children, although the elder brother is very old, he is very good and obedient. He almost never talks back. The younger brother has a stubborn temper regardless of his age. He often talks back, and is also articulate. Sometimes the cousin and cousin say so well. Speechless.
Regarding the two sons, the elder brother and sister-in-law usually commented that the eldest son is sensible and capable, and there is no need to worry about it in the future.
However, an event that happened last month caused the couple to change their views. It was a weekend, and my cousin and cousin were going to take their two sons on a self-driving trip in the suburbs. Before leaving, let the two children pack their own things.
This is the whim of my cousin. I have never made such a request to the child before. Parents have always helped to clean up, but this time, she wanted to see what the child can do. kind.
As a result, the youngest son quickly packed his things, and when he opened the bag, he found that he had almost all the things he should bring. But the eldest son has always been ditching and confiscated after twenty minutes. When he opened the bag and looked at it, even the things he had packed were messed up, and there were many things that he didn’t need to bring at all.
Seeing such a scene, my cousin sighed. She didn’t expect that the eldest son, who is usually well-behaved and sensible, was not as capable as her younger brother.
Although individual cases cannot explain the problem, it is not difficult to find the reason for the result of “the older brother is not as capable as the younger brother” by analyzing the two children of the cousin’s family.
Because behind his elder brother’s good behavior, it is actually a loss of independence. He never talks back just because he does not or is unwilling to stick to his own opinions, and always likes others to make ideas for him.
The younger brother has his own independent insights and is willing to stick to his own opinions. Of course, his independence is very strong.
Don’t give up Children who love to talk back, these advantages are not possessed by other children.
1. Strong independence
If a child loves to talk back, it means that independence is very strong. This is beyond doubt, because he has already formed Own point of view.
Not only that, the object of the child’s talk back is often the authority of the parents, which also shows that he does not need to rely on strong external forces to help him achieve his goals, and it is a manifestation of independence.
2. The brain turns fast.
Frequent talking back also shows that the child’s brain is flexible and thinking fast. Especially when the child speaks back in a very organized manner, even when the parent has no way to refute, this can be more illustrative of the problem. Therefore, it can be said that talking back is an excellent performance. How can parents dislike it?
3. Know how to fight for their own profits
There is another advantage of children who love to talk back, that is, they know how to fight for their own profits. There is an old saying in China that “man is not for oneself, and heaven is extinguished”. It can be seen that the ancients have understood that one must fight for one’s own benefit. This is the law of nature.
The child who loves to talk back is very obvious in this regard, because behind his back talk is to defend his own interests.
Of course, it’s not that the kid who talks back has only advantages, no disadvantages. In fact, the shortcomings of these children are also very obvious, because the children’s short knowledge, many of his words are definitely wrong and unreasonable.
If he often talks back and succeeds again and again, it will encourage his arrogant habits and make him go further and further down the wrong path. Therefore, parents can neither blindly suppress their children who love to talk back, nor can they completely indulge.
facing ” For children who love to talk back, the correct response of parents is very important.
Establish parental authority and let children “back talk” more cautiously
Many children who love to talk back will have parents who have lost authority behind them. Because his parents no longer have authority in his mind, he will often talk back.
To avoid this, parents should establish a certain degree of authority, so that the child will be more cautious when talking back, because he must consider the seriousness of the consequences.
Adhere to the principles and bottom line, and persuade people with reason
If parents are not reasonable, it is easy to provoke the child to talk back, because only with reason can convince people, and parents themselves are not reasonable. How can we make children obey sincerely?
So if you want to better deal with children’s talkback behavior, parents should first adhere to the principles and bottom line. When giving orders to children, they must always persuade others with reason. When children talk back, they should also use reason. Fight back instead of relying solely on parental authority or even threatening children.
Talking back is not a child’s fault, but an excellent signal. If the parents are right, they can develop the excellent qualities of the child, which will help his life, but if you want to do this, it will test the parents’ ability very much. Children are “selfish” in these matters. The more they persuade them to be generous, the easier it will be in the future.
Many parents now use “sharing and generosity” in educating their children to establish good interpersonal relationships. For the purpose of education, it is not always applicable. In certain matters, if the parents are too generous, they may harm the children.
Let’s talk about the relationship between my friend’s child and my child. About 4 years ago, my youngest son was only 3 years old. I took him to play at a friend’s house that day. Her child is 5 years old.
The two of us were chatting while the two children were playing with toys. When I was about to go home in the evening, I was about to hug the baby. As a result, the baby did not want to let go of the toy, my friend. The child is anxious to snatch the toy back, “My father bought this only yesterday. No, please return it to me soon.”
The child behaves like this, even normal, this will cause my son I started to cry too, I tried to persuade him, but it didn’t work. At this time, my friend said, “You bring the little guy home. There are so many toys in my house, so don’t pay attention to him.”
Her son cried when he heard it, “No, this is mine.” The crying, the louder, the friend squatted down to comfort the child, “Hey, this is for my brother. We are the elder brother. Isn’t it right to let my brother play with the toy.”
After that, she ignored the child again. Directly urged us to leave, don’t care about her child.
Half a month later, I took my child to her house again, because I was deeply sorry about what happened last time, so I bought a set of toys for her son, and he just arrived at her house. He quickly put away all the toys when he saw us, which shows how much he was overshadowed by what happened last time.
Now her son is 9 years old, the little guy still has a habit of not sharing toys with others, no matter who it is, I always apologize for this matter, probably because it was left to the child. He suffered a deeper injury. After all, the toy he just bought was still his favorite. Just because a strange brother liked it, his mother gave it away.
I don’t know if parents are familiar with this approach. When encountering this kind of thing, many parents put their children’s needs behind their heads in order to save their lives. I just ask the child if he wants to give it to others. In the end, he may not even have a decent explanation.
What makes the child more sad is that if the child keeps mentioning these things in front of the father and mother, the parents may still feel annoyed. How can the child not feel aggrieved by a fierce meal against the child?
These things Since children are “selfish,” the more they persuade them to be generous, the easier it will be to suffer in the future.
1. In terms of property ownership
The previous example has fully illustrated this point. I personally recommend that parents We must let the children make their own decisions when disposing of items owned by the children, rather than making their own claims and disposing of the children’s items.
If the parents have a tough attitude, it may cause two extremes when it is serious. On the one hand, the child will become particularly “stingy” and repel sharing their own things with others, because the previous sharing experience leads others to admire Your own things, and eventually these things are taken away, will naturally bring a deeper shadow to the child.
When children become too stingy, they will suffer a lot in their studies or work in the future, especially in the handling of interpersonal relationships, because most people don’t like more stingy and stingy people.
On the other hand, children may also become very insecure. Parents’ arbitrary transfer of behavior deprives the child of the right to make decisions. Psychology believes that the sense of security comes mainly from “control”. If the child loses control of the ownership of things, the sense of security will naturally become weaker.
2. “First oneself before others”
In our traditional values, “abandoning oneself” is a virtue, but in fact it is still a scoring situation. Not all situations need to be applied to self-denial.
To give a simple example, if the child has not finished his own homework, and there is an important exam waiting for review tomorrow, time is already very tight, but at this time a friend comes to the child, I want my children to help clean up the hygiene at home. Do I have to sacrifice myself in this situation?
Obviously, in terms of importance, the children’s own affairs are definitely more important. But if parents have always been preconceived of their children, “learning to actively help others”, “being others before oneself” and other values, then it is easy to cultivate children into people who don’t know how to say “no”.
Sun Li once confessed in her education experience that one of her last regrets was to cultivate her child into a “pleasant personality”. When she asked her child why she did not explicitly reject some unnecessary requests from her classmates, the child told her “Mom, I don’t dare”, then she knew how big a mistake she had made in education.
Only do their own affairs well, and help others when the child has extra energy. If they can take care of each other, then it would be great. But if you can’t take care of it, parents should teach their children how to tactfully reject others without hurting each other’s feelings.