Children lose their temper? Don’t be at a loss, try the “symbiosis effect” and solve the sapo in three steps
There are no children who can’t manage well, only parents who can’t educate.
Finalized: Empress Su Zi
Do you often feel helpless in the face of children’s screaming and crying? I didn’t use it, beat me, and felt distressed. In the end I couldn’t help my child’s temper, so I chose to compromise. But who knows that they are getting worse and worse, so you can’t help him. In fact, in the face of a child’s bad temper, smart parents know how to do it. Use a coup to solve.
< p>Ms. Wang’s son Doudou is 3 and a half years old this year. He is often mischievous and has a stubborn temper. He always likes to lose his temper. Recently, he has also learned to speak swear words. Ms. Wang tries to be reasonable with his children, but He couldn’t listen at all, so he was furious and beat the child frequently in order to make him remember, but after the beating, the child seemed to get worse and more awkward, which made Ms. Wang feel helpless and irritable.
The pictures in the text are all from Internet, pictures and text are irrelevant
I believe that many parents have encountered this situation. In fact, there are reasons for children to lose their temper. In most cases, parents always order and demand as adults What children do, but rarely look at the problem from their perspective, the two are in opposites, and the contradiction arises naturally. For this reason, only by understanding the root cause of children’s emotions can they help them better control their bad temper.
The great educator Mr. Tao Xingzhi once said that we must become children to be worthy of being children’s husbands. This means that parents can only put themselves in the same position as their children, put themselves in thinking about problems, use the “symbiosis effect” to understand the children’s bad emotions and sources, and then help them to smooth out their emotions, digest bad emotions, and control their emotions.
What is the “symbiotic effect”
The symbiosis effect originally refers to the fact that when a single plant grows, it appears short, but when it grows together with many plants, it will have deep roots and leaves. This is a phenomenon of mutual influence and common progress, and it is also applicable to children’s education. In the middle, as the saying goes, “the one who is near Zhu is red, and the one who is near ink is black.” Staying with good people, you will naturally be well influenced and become good.
Psychoanalysts think the child Aggressiveness is a part of self-development and is a normal phenomenon. What parents should do is not to restrain, but to educate. Reasonable use of symbiosis effect can produce positive psychological cues and emotional control. First, parents need to set an example, otherwise it will be counterproductive. Effect, to avoid negative “symbiotic effects”.
How to use symbiosis to educate children ?
1. Guide children to vent their emotions
When children’s emotional fluctuations are large, parents should let them tell the reasons for themselves and why they lose their temper, so that the children can sort out their own emotions. Experience, exercise thinking ability.
2. Help the child to relieve his emotions
After the child finds the cause of the tantrum, the parents should tell the child the possible bad effects of the bad mood, and then tell the child how to deal with the problem, if The heart is really sad, you can take deep breaths to control your emotions.
3. Cultivate empathy
The ability of empathy is to let children put themselves in the exchange of roles to think about problems, let children perceive what it feels like to receive bad emotions, and make them aware of the harm that emotions cause to others, so that they will not Repeat.
When a child loses his temper, parents must not yell, lie, or lie. These methods will only make the child fall into the trap of bad temper.
Incorrect “symbiotic effect” Educational method
1. Use violence to suppress bad tempers
Some parents are quick-tempered and short-tempered. When facing their children’s tantrums, they cannot calm down and communicate patiently. Instead, they use Violent beatings suppress children’s emotions. As everyone knows, such a method has an immediate effect, but it cannot solve the problem from the root. Children will even imitate and learn to deal with the problem in this way.
2. Threatening language to intimidate children
“If you are not obedient, mother will not love you”, “If you want to do this again, I won’t want you”, “You If you are not behaved, watch out for the police uncle to take you away…” This kind of threatening language stimulation will only temporarily suppress the child’s bad temper, and it can also deceive children who don’t even have a kindergarten diploma, and wait until the baby has a discernment. Ability is useless at all, and the baby who has been threatened to grow up has a sense of insecurity in his heart, and he habitually uses his temper to cover up his incompetence in times of trouble.
3, trick the children
Some parents can’t hold back their children’s bad tempers, so they choose to compromise again and again, using deceptive soothing methods, first to give their children hope, control their bad temper, and then wait for a while, and then they can’t stop it. For example, if you eat obediently, your mother will take you to the amusement park this week and so on. In fact, this is only consuming the trust and dependence of the parents in their children. When they are deceived repeatedly, they no longer trust their parents and even become more and more tempered. The three golden periods of children’s growth, parents Please do not be absent, otherwise the harm may accompany the baby for life
Studies have found that the age of 0 to 3 years old is an important period for emotional development and a key stage for cultivating children’s “safety dependence”.
Writer: Wang Xiaoming
Editor: Wang Zhifeng
Finalized: Su Zihou
Adler, the founder of individual psychology, once said Guo: “Fortunate people are cured by childhood all their lives, and unfortunate people are healing their childhood all their lives.” So what kind of childhood contributes to the healthy and happy growth of children?
Actually, for children, a childhood accompanied and caring by their parents is the best.
All the pictures in this article are from the network, and the pictures and texts are irrelevant
Xiao Li is a girl born in the 90s. In the eyes of her friends, she is lively, cheerful and independent, but in fact, she is particularly dependent on her parents emotionally , Is a child who has his own thoughts, but is very clingy to the family.
The reason is that when she was 3~4 years old, she was raised by her parents in her grandparents’ house for a year. When she was most dependent on her parents, she was raised in her hometown, which caused her to feel insecure. , Even if I am now 25 years old, I still remember the events of that year still fresh.
Therefore, several important stages in the process of children’s growth are inseparable from the company of their parents. In order to provide a good material foundation for their children, some parents neglect to accompany their children’s growth, and finally bring The harm may accompany the baby’s life.
The child’s life is the longest Parents should not be absent from the three important stages.
1, 0~3 years old: a critical period of emotional development
Some studies have found that 0~3 years old is an important period of emotional development for children. The critical stage of “safety dependence”.
Experts have found through investigations on babies that a 4-month-old baby will cry when he is hungry, but once the mother is close, the baby will stop crying after smelling the smell on the mother’s body.
Timely and appropriate satisfaction can enable the baby to recognize the relationship between himself and his mother and establish a sense of trust and security in the process of constant stability and repetition.
Psychologists believe that the age of 0 to 3 years old is an important period for a baby to form a sense of security. If at this stage he can get sufficient parental company to get enough psychological response, then he will grow up Will not seek security from the outside world or one’s partner, can also adapt to separation, and have strong independence and tolerance.
2, 3~6 years old: a critical period for character development
From a psychological point of view, 3~6 years old is a critical period for character shaping. According to research findings, 85% to 90% of children’s personalities and lifestyles are formed at this stage, especially before they go to elementary school.
3, 6~12 years old: the critical period of ability development
The 6~12 years old age group happens to be the stage when the child is in elementary school. There was once a teacher with 20 years of teaching experience Said: “Children’s self-learning ability in elementary school is curious and good at discovering. The measures and attitudes to deal with problems after encountering problems will be the foundation of his life.”
The cultivation of children’s abilities is not only In schools, family education is also indispensable. Another educator believes that children between the ages of 7 and 12 are the initial stage of the formation of abstract and logical thinking skills.
So at this stage, the thinking ability of the courageous child is very important. Of course, children’s concentration, learning ability, self-control ability, etc. are also very important.
How to grasp These three golden ages of the child?
1. Give them a full sense of security
At this stage, parents should give them care and company in time. When they learn to walk, they should expand their living space and let him in a safe situation. Explore the unknown world.
After one and a half years old, you can let your baby try to do something on your own. Parents should not interfere too much; when you are 2 to 3 years old, you can try separation and independence, but give them accurate safety concepts For example, pour a little hot water into the cup, let the baby touch the wall of the cup, and tell him that this is dangerous.
2. The principle of satisfaction
The current scientific education method advocates appropriate satisfaction for children, even if the satisfaction is delayed, so that the baby will have the ability to meet temptation in the future. Resistance is also easier to achieve success and overcome difficulties.
3. Independence and self-reliance
Usually parents can let their children do things within their power, such as organizing toys, washing hands, throwing out garbage, etc., through labor, to continuously improve their children’s Independence.
4. Tell stories to cultivate character.
For example, for more negative children, parents can tell him more confident stories; for timid children, tell brave stories and like loneliness Children, will make friends with good stories, etc., according to the characteristics of the baby to tell the story in a targeted way, so that they can be inspired and improved.
5. The family atmosphere is nurtured
Children are like a mirror for parents, and every word and deed of parents will be reflected in the child. Therefore, if you want your baby to have a good personality, Mom and Dad need to be role models to nurture them, and words and rumors are greater than deeds.
6. Take more outdoor activities with your children
Parents can not only broaden their horizons, but also increase their knowledge and open their minds by taking their children to outdoor activities.