Are you still using the black house to punish children? Psychologists can shut down a child once for 10 years.
When a child is mischievous and makes mistakes, how would you punish the child as a parent? It doesn’t work to be reasonable, and you can’t beat the child. Seeing the child crying and making trouble is disobedient. Some parents will use a particularly effective punishment method that does not beat or scold the child, that is, put the child in Xiaohei. house.
Even the naughty children, as long as they are locked in a small black room, they will be able to surrender immediately. Although this method has an immediate effect, the side effects are not small.
On a question-and-answer platform, some netizens ask questions. There are two sons in the family. Because they are not very different in age, they often have conflicts. The brothers often have trouble at home.
Once the two children were fighting again, the parents simply put them all in a small dark room. At first, the brothers both cried.
Later, my elder brother might soon start playing with toys by himself because he was a little older, while my younger brother had been standing behind the door and crying for a long time. The parent asked everyone if this punishment would hurt the child’s heart.
This problem has also attracted the attention of many netizens. Most netizens feel that this is inappropriate. Although Guan Xiaoheiwu does not beat or scold, it will have a profound impact on young children. Of fear.
If children are treated like this often, it will definitely affect their character. In fact, the comments made by these netizens are very reasonable. Children are naturally afraid of the dark and afraid of being abandoned. This punishment method does not fundamentally solve the problem.
Use black off What kind of harm will the children’s punishments do to the children?
1. Undermine the sense of security
Dr. Chen Zhuo of the Psychology Department of the Guangdong Armed Police Corps Hospital pointed out that in the Psychology Clinic, children often have children because of love. I have nightmares or are very afraid of the dark, timid, or even in my 10s who dare not sleep alone by myself.
When asked about the growth process of these children, most of them have had the experience of being locked up in a small black house. This kind of punishment of neither beating nor scolding can be regarded as a kind of cold violence. This kind of cold violence committed by parents to their children will seriously damage the children’s inner security.
The child’s sense of security comes from the parents’ unconditional acceptance and company. Even after making a mistake, the parents put the child in a dark room alone in order to let the child recognize the mistake, and the child can experience it deeply Fear and helplessness, and experience a sense of abandonment.
These negative feelings are so powerful that they can make children feel insecure once or twice. Children who are insecure cannot build a strong heart even after they reach adulthood, and eventually become conscientious or pleasing personality.
2. Make children timid
People are born with a sense of fear of darkness, not to mention young children, if they make mistakes and put them in a dark room, what children experience Fear and fear are very strong.
This kind of punishment allows the child to be softened quickly and never dare to commit it again next time. The child cannot really realize his mistake, but he restrains himself out of fear.
For a long time like this, the child will become cautious and timid when doing anything, and become cowardly and cowardly.
3. Leading to the child’s autism
Excessive punishment and protection of the child by parents will cause the child to lose the ability to explore independently and curiosity, and become timid and inferior.
Such children often experience a sense of powerlessness, which seals their hearts and is unwilling to contact the outside world.
Over time, you will become very autistic, and your psychology and personality will be distorted. In severe cases, it will lead to personality loss and revenge against others and society when you grow up.
So Guan Xiaoheiwu is a very wrong way of education, and it does not have any positive educational effect. Not only can children fail to recognize the mistakes, but they will also bring about a series of psychological problems.
As a parent, you can’t simply and rudely treat your children’s mistakes. Children can grow up only when they make mistakes again and again.
Parents must change their educational methods and adopt a positive and positive attitude to guide their children in order to help their children grow better.
When a child makes a mistake What should parents do wrong?
1. Understand the child’s growth pattern
The younger the child is, the stronger the desire to explore and discover. Therefore, many adults seem to be mischievous, but in fact they are It is children who are exploring and learning.
For example, children love to play with water, mud, and sand, and they often get dirty. If parents think their children are too naughty, they will inevitably scold the children frequently.
But think about it from another angle. After the children are exploring the surrounding things on their own, they can perceive the characteristics of different things in the process of playing, and learn a lot of knowledge that cannot be learned in books. In fact, it can be regarded as an investment in education, but the parents are a little tired.
2. Use more positive guidance
In fact, children are eager to be recognized in their hearts and are willing to abide by the rules, but their self-control is still relatively poor. So behave well when children.
For example, when actively cleaning the room, tidying up toys, and actively reading, parents must promptly affirm and praise, so that children will experience a sense of accomplishment and value from these good behaviors, and they will be more willing In doing so, there will be more and more good behaviors. 10 years of preschool education observes children from these three types of families. On the first day of kindergarten, they will not cry and make trouble.
On the first day of kindergarten, most babies cry. This is not difficult to understand, because that was the first time that the baby had left his family for a long time, and he was in a completely unfamiliar environment. In addition, the teachers and classmates were also unfamiliar faces, and the psychological shock could be imagined. And got it.
However, there are always exceptions. Although there are very few babies who do not cry or make troubles in kindergarten on the first day, they are not non-existent.
My friend Xiao Zhang is a kindergarten teacher and has been in business for ten years. In the past ten years, she has witnessed batch after batch of new students entering the kindergarten. She has experienced the scenes of crying in the classroom when the parents leave, and she has also seen a few calm people who watched other babies crying but she was indifferent. Baby.
At the beginning, Xiao Zhang was also very curious about these babies, thinking that they were “rare animals”, and even guessed whether there would be some kind of emotional disorder that would prevent them from expressing emotions normally.
But after observing for a period of time, she found that these babies are not much different from other babies, and some of them are even better in some aspects, such as independence, courage and so on.
After ten years of observation in preschool education, Xiao Zhang finally came up with some rules. She found that those children who did not cry or make trouble on the first day of entering the kindergarten basically came from three types of families, and these three types of families have good or bad for the children’s growth.
There is a saying that “something is abnormal, there must be a demon”. It is an abnormal thing for a baby not to cry on the first day in the kindergarten, but it may not be “a demon” behind it, because it involves family education , Is also related to factors such as the child’s own personality.
These 3 categories Most of the children in the family don’t cry or make trouble on the first day of kindergarten.
Persist in scientific parenting and have done separation training for children
My friend Xiao Zhang, who has been in preschool education for ten years, found that some The children who don’t cry for a day have very good family conditions, and their parents are both wise people.
In the follow-up communication, she gradually learned that these parents had all carried out “separation training” before sending their babies to kindergarten.
This makes the children have become accustomed to long-term separation from their parents before entering the kindergarten. When the day when they really need to be separated, naturally they will not be easy to cry.
Needless to say, children from these families must have performed very well in other aspects.
Accompanying needs have been met
According to Xiao Zhang’s observation, some babies do not cry because of their strong personality, but a closer look reveals that most of them grew up in harmonious and loving families, and their parents usually pay attention to them. Accompany the children.
It is precisely because their companionship needs are met that they are full of confidence in their parents. Even if their parents leave temporarily, they will not feel painful and helpless, and of course it will not be easy to cry.
Serious lack of love
There is another type of children who do not cry on the day they enter the kindergarten because they are seriously lacking in love. There is one case that impressed my friend Xiao Zhang so far.
That was a little girl who entered the kindergarten at the age of 3 and a half. Her parents had quarreled for many years and shirk their childcare responsibilities, so she didn’t care much about her.
Although there is a grandma at home, her grandmother is too old and dizzy to meet the baby’s need for companionship.
The long-term lack of company has caused the girl to become accustomed to loneliness, and the day she entered the kindergarten did not react to her mother’s departure.
Xiao Zhang has seen a baby like her many times. Although it is not as serious as her, there is a lack of love in some cases.
Only the first two of the above three types of families are beneficial to the growth of children, and the third type will bring serious negative effects on the growth of children.
Therefore, we cannot infer whether the child’s native family is good or bad from the first day of entering the kindergarten without crying or making trouble, nor can we arbitrarily judge the child’s future performance.
But there is one thing to say that babies who don’t cry and don’t cry when they enter the kindergarten are indeed more popular with teachers and are easier to win everyone’s favor than babies who cry constantly.
How to prevent babies from crying in the kindergarten? Separation training is very important
There are three types of families mentioned above, one of which is worthy of parents’ attention, that is, families that have given children separation training, because as long as the parents have the heart, every family can do it. of.
Separation training is the process of letting the baby gradually get used to the long-term separation from the close family (usually Baoma). This training can start when the baby is two and a half years old, usually 3~5 months You can see the effect.
In our country, babies usually enter the kindergarten at the age of 3 and a half, so if mothers want to do separation training for the baby to get him accustomed to the kindergarten life, they should start at the latest when the baby is three years old. Trained.
Separation training is very simple, mainly focusing on a “step-by-step”. For example, on the first day, let the baby be alone for 5 minutes, while Bao Ma observes it not far away. If the baby reacts too much, she will come closer and watch, and if the baby reacts too much, continue to observe.
The next day, increase the time to 10 minutes, and so on, add some time every day, until the baby can bear to leave the mother for more than 6 hours.
Baby who has undergone separation training has higher independence and stronger adaptability to unfamiliar environments, which will be of great help to the kindergarten life in the future, so mothers must pay attention to this matter and have the conditions If you do, you must try and operate it yourself.